Big
Bubba is Watching You: Your tax dollars
at work
Brought to you by
the makers of Jeezuzland: the
clerics of the Bush theocracy
Apology
and Retraction: the President
of the United States does not have
Down Syndrome
Messages from God: People
of faith show compassion for the citizens
of New Orleans
"There
ought to be limits to freedom."
GW, 1999
Brought
to you by the makers of the Arpanet, the Internet's army
dad, and overseen by Iran-Contra felon, John Poindexter,
the Total Information Awareness program aimed to create
the kind of virtual police state that would have been beyond
the wildest dreams of the KGB... in America.
TIA gave the supposed 'public servants' in government
carte blanche to spy on anyone in the country with no legal
accountability or redress for abuse. And, just in case you
didn't get the idea, they gave it the kind of faux-masonic
all-seeing-eye and pyramid logo guaranteed to give conspiracy
theorists a field day. Fortunately, Congress voted to cancel
TIA (even after its name was changed to "Terrorist Information
Awareness") on the grounds that 'Orwellian nightmare'
and 'Democracy' do not make for comfortable synergism.
Recently, however, the idea that the program was not shelved, but merely
changed its name again and went underground, is gaining strength. There is
increasing speculation that the Bush government's efforts to make privacy
a quaint anachronism are far from abandoned.
Bush's America is a totalitarian double-header. Never before have our lives
been more exposed to government scrutiny, but never before has government
been less open to public scrutiny. Never before have so many conservatives
ranted on about freedom, but never before have so many conservatives been
so busy dismantling the infrastructure of freedom. Bush spent a record $7.2
billion last year stamping 15.6 million documents 'top secret,' 'secret'
or 'confidential' That's nearly double the total for 2001. At the same time,
billions of tax dollars are being used to create new and expensive ways to
spy on tax payers – with the catch-all 'fighting terrorism' excuse
being used to mollify any squeaks of doubt. Welcome to those 'limits on freedom'
that our president likes to talk about. (More at projectcensored.org)
OTHER STUFF TO INDUCE PARANOIA
Invisible
CCTV: A Village
Voice article describes how Emperor Rudy is busily
wiring New York City with 'invisible' cameras disguised
as regular street furniture and bullet-proofed for durability. "I
feel like Paul Revere, shouting 'The cameras are coming,
the cameras are coming.'" says the New
York Civil Liberties Union's executive director, Donna
Lieberman.
Real
ID: In May, 2005, America metamorphosed further
into totalitarianism. The Senate passed, unanimously and
without discussion, Bush's bill to create a national ID
card. Real
ID 'smart' cards will carry almost limitless information
about you and will be available for perusal by any federal
employee. And, courtesy of some handy Patriot Act legislation,
there will be no legal recourse for any cases of identity
theft fraud that may result from abuse or incompetence
by aforementioned federal employees.
ID
Chips: In the not-too distant future, all products
(and maybe us) will be fitted with
minute chips programmed to track your buying habits
and, more worryingly, where you happen to be at any given
time.
Storecards: It
might be nice to save a few cents using a supermarket
loyalty card, but do you really want your entire shopping
history stored on a database readily available to law enforcement?
If you were the guy wrongly arrested for arson because he'd
recently bought firelighters, or the guy who slipped in the
supermarket and lost his comp case because he sometimes bought
beer and was therefore assumed to be at fault by virtue of
inebriation, you might not.
Internet
monitoring: ECHELON is
a term associated with the global network of computers
that automatically scans millions of intercepted messages
for pre-programmed keywords or fax, telex and e-mail addresses.
Every word of every message can be automatically searched.
All in the name of tracking down those pesky 'terrists'.
(top)
BROUGHT
TO YOU BY THE MAKERS OF JEEZUZLAND
Everybody
knows the old cocaine, booze and bankruptcy lifestyle of
our piss-poor excuse for a President before he met Jeezuz.
But what of the leaders of the Christian conservative movement
who control the hearts and minds of Jeezuzland? What about
the mortal bridges to the Godhead whose backing helped
Bush get his cloven hoof in the White House door to begin
with? Let's peer into the murky cesspit of blatant fakery
where preachers are more often found testifying before
grand juries than behind pulpits.
JIM
BAKKER
Christian credentials: Tax evader, Fraudster,
Racketeer, Adulterer
Bakker
pioneered televangelism back in the 60s, working with Pat
Robertson to expand his fledgling Christian Broadcasting
Network. Bakker's PTL Club (Praise The Lord) was the prototype
for Robertson's 700 Club.
In 1987 Bakker resigned from the lucrative PTL enterprise after Jessica Hahn,
his former secretary and extra-marital fuck piece, threatened to talk about
the $265,000 hush money she'd previously been paid. According to Hahn (the
only woman in the world with both 'church secretary' and 'Playboy model'
on her resumé), Bakker and fellow Evangelist John Wesley Fletcher,
took turns in slipping her their God rockets. Bakker later asked a PTL staffer,
who'd also been join in, "Did you get her too?"
Bakker went down on federal indictments for fraud, tax evasion, and racketeering
in 1989. He served four years of a 45-year prison sentence before returning
to the Christian star circuit under the patronage of Billy Graham. He still
owes in excess of $3 million dollars in back taxes and has spent the last
decade dodging numerous lawsuits by former PTL Club members. His life of
swinging debauchery and gross financial malfeasance prompted Jerry Falwell
to refer to him as "the greatest scab and cancer on the face of Christianity
in two thousand years of church history". And he should know. Yet Bakker
still runs the Jim
Bakker Ministries - a show that airs throughout Jeezuzland's nether regions
on the Christian Television Network. This prompts the question: just how
unchristian does a Christian have to be to get dumped by these losers?
Star
quote:
"But when you come to Heritage USA,
remember to bring your Bible and your VISA card
- because the Bible is the Holy Truth, and God
doesn't take American Express"
(Jim Bakker discusses the finer points of theology)
JIMMY
SWAGGART
Christian credentials: Whoremonger, Adulterer, Crappy driver
During
the 1980s, Swaggart (cousin of fellow raunchy pianist Jerry
Lee Lewis) was raking in $150 million a year via his 'Assembly
of God' ministry. This moral paragon denounced Jim Bakker
as "a cancer on the body of Christ" after Bakker
was busted. But shortly after, Swaggart himself got caught
with a hooker at a Travel Inn in Metairie, Louisiana. Swaggart
blamed his libidinous indiscretion on "demons" and
went on TV to say sorry and assure his flock that he was
now demon-free.
Three years later, Swaggart was pulled over for speeding with another hooker
riding shotgun. His 'parishioners' asked that he step down as pastor as he
was starting to make them look stupid. But it was not until the California
Highway Patrol pulled him over for driving on the wrong side of the road
with another prostitute passenger in 1995 that he finally complied with their
wishes. Swaggart is still raking in the mammon with the Jimmy
Swaggart Ministries - his gift to amnesiac Christians and unfussy moral
guidance seekers everywhere.
Star
quote:
"I've never seen a man in my life
I wanted to marry. And I'm gonna be blunt and plain;
if one ever looks at me like that, I'm gonna kill
him and tell God he died."
(Swaggart expounds upon one of the few directions in which Jimmy don't 'swing')
PAUL
CROUCH
Christian credentials: Liar, Adulterer, Closet homosexual, looks weird
The Trinity Broadcasting
Network, founded in 1973, is the world's most successful
televangelism racket. TBN claims a five-million household
weekly audience in America and owns channels in more than
75 other countries. Founder Paul Crouch runs TBN as a family
business with his drag queen-looking wife, Jan, and sons
Matt and Paul Jr. The Crouches have made a fortune plucking
their parishioners hate-strings. Gays are, of course, a
favorite target of condemnation by holy Paul.
So many were surprised when allegations surfaced that he'd paid-off a former
employee to keep schtum about some sodomizing he'd done in a cabin in the
San Bernadino mountains. Lonnie Ford (the catcher in question) had threatened
to go public with the story and sue Crouch for threatening to fire him if
he hadn't made with the lube. Crouch agreed to pay $425,000 to settle the
case.
Crouch is now separated from his wife. She was, presumably, less than convinced
by his professions of innocence given the six-figure hush money he had willingly
forked over.
Star
quote:
"I am devastated; I am confronted
with having to face the fact that my father is
a homosexual."
(Matt Crouch speaking to the LA Times, September, 2004)
BENNY
HINN
Christian credentials: Fake healer, tax evader, fraudster, Charity scammer,
false prophet
In
1983, Tofik Benedictus "Benny" Hinn started the Orlando
Christian Center in Orlando, Florida. Hinn's 'church'
currently boasts a 10,000+ congregation. Hinn is probably
less keen to boast about the OCC's church designation being
withdrawn by the feds in 2005 for failing to 'meet IRS guidelines
for church designation'. The reasons listed above (details
at wikipedia.org) probably had something to do with Hinn's
money-spinner getting officially de-churchified.
Star
quote:
"Jesus is coming again within the
next two years."
(Benny Hinn speaking at a 1997 Benny Hinn, sorry, TBN fund-raising telethon)
(top)
PUBLIC
APOLOGY AND RETRACTION
I
recently suggested that President Bush's oratorical skills
made him seem like America's first Down Syndrome president.
I now entirely retract that statement on the grounds of unfairness
and inaccuracy and I apologize unreservedly for any offense
I may have caused. Mr Bush, as evidenced by the picture below,
is clearly America's first cerebral palsy president instead. (top)
MESSAGES
FROM GOD
As
the concepts of charity, compassion, mercy and love
are the cornerstones of faith, how heartwarming it
is to read these words of comfort from the people of
faith.
The
first spiteful cunt runs a project called "Repent
America". Please
feel free to visit and share your thoughts (I'm running
the link through anonymizer.com so have at it).
