2,000 Dead: Fuck all accomplished
Frederick Meekins: The Napoleon Dynamite of bigotry
Bush is a Loser: Play Fried Wire's new and obvious Google game
One Small Thought...

2,000 DEAD: FUCK ALL ACCOMPLISHED

"Unsurprisingly, Bush administration and U.S. military officials on Tuesday were out en masse attempting to play down the significance of 2,000 U.S. war dead in Iraq. Officially, figures released by the Pentagon show, that grim milestone was reached with the announced death of Staff Sgt. George T. Alexander Jr., 34, of Killeen, Texas, who died Saturday in San Antonio from wounds suffered Oct. 17."
(Herald News, October 27, 2005)

As Bush mush-mouthed through his "Mission Accomplished" speech on the flight deck of the USS Abraham Lincoln two years ago, much neocon-flavored Kool Aid was chugged and every conservative/Evangelical tongue slithered straight for the Presidential anus.

"My fellow Americans," Bush rubed "major combat operations in Iraq have ended. In the battle of Iraq, the United States and our allies have prevailed." At that point, 176 American troops had died in Iraq. But, in a scenario that must be unique in the history of warfare, ten times more were due to die after the end of "major combat operations" than during. Inspired by headbanger End-of-Days notions and PNAC oil lust, Wolfowitz, Perle and Rumsfeld were guiding American foreign policy (i.e: war) in the Middle East. Sanity, like the oil, was in short supply in our American theocracy and the tin foil hat of the street corner loon was now the crown of state. Hallelujah, praise Crusader George and fuck the First Amendment!

Of course the war should not be framed in political, economic or, indeed, rational terms – WMDs and all the bogus bullshit used to justify starting this mess were just sops to the secular crowd – the Jeezuzlanders know the real reason. For born-again Bush, Iraq is Babylon and this war (or 'crusade' as he once let slip) is just a warm-up act for Armageddon. PNAC is about America being God's chosen team and acting like it. If this sounds crazy to you, that's because it is. But crazy doesn't make it any less true.

So much Evangelical toxic waste has seeped into the groundwater of the mass consciousness as a byproduct of the Bush/Rove 'Mein Kampf' for the White House. Opinions, policies and beliefs that would have been dismissed as 'religious wackjob' a decade ago (and still are in the rest of the world) are now American foreign policy motivators. The voters' inability to differentiate between psychosis and religion is the cuntservative key to the White House. Take, for example, the Reverend Sun Myung Moon. He's the guy who called Jesus a failure, touts himself as the true Messiah) but still gets to run the Washington Times. And, of course, he's still a close personal friend of El Presidente too. This is exactly the kind of dumbass nightmare the framers of the First Amendment were trying to protect us from.

The morons of faith, both within and without the White House, do not expect the War In Error to end until evil is banished from the world and the Kingdom of Heaven is reestablished on Earth. It's one hell of an exit strategy. But now the 2,000 US K.I.A. mark has passed, and Bush's popularity has scabbed somewhere between Charles Manson and Paris Hilton on the affront to humanity scale, even some nutjobs are beginning to wonder if their faith has been misplaced. Bush's spiritual butt fuck from the venerable Billy Graham back in 1986 may have helped him kick booze and cocaine, but it sure hasn't helped him function as a President – or even a half-decent right-wing dictator. After all, he's now been slapped down by his own acolytes for trying to sneak a lesbo into the Supreme Court, his cabinet is crawling with indicted crooks and, two years on, some may suspect that the 'quick in-and-out' Iraqi invasion sales pitch to America was a bit of a fib. If the kingdom of Heaven is to be won this way, what say we give Satan a chance?

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FREDERICK MEEKINS: THE NAPOLEON DYNAMITE OF BIGOTRY

I had intended to augment my stable of media pinheads with this sorry-ass dufus. But as a self-described 'Internet Columnist' (in other words he's a guy who types opinionated crap on the Web like myself), I thought it was pushing it too far to call him a journalist – even a bad one. If Fred's a journo, then Orlando Bloom is a 300 pound trucker from Buffalo. Here's the official bio:

"Frederick Meekins is an Internet columnist. He holds a BS from the University of Maryland in Political Science/History and a MA in Apologetics & Christian Philosophy from Trinity Theological Seminary. He is currently pursuing a Doctor of Practical Theology through the Master's Graduate School of Divinity in Evansville, Indiana. In the future, Frederick plans to continue publishing his commentaries and hopefully compile them into a self-published book."

I hope Fred's dream of making it into Waterstone's comes to fruition as I'd happily line up to buy his book (then, of course, return it for a refund in shame). This bigoted cocksucker is the hilarious epitome of the Jesus-hates-everyone, non-spell checking, dipwad illiterati that constitutes the voice of Jeezuz Land. I could imagine no one more deserving of death by exploding hemorrhoids. Enjoy!

As a widely 'syndicated' internet columnist, Fred gets a lot of postings. Like all cuntservative net ranters, however, correct spelling and grammar is anathema to him. Here's a piece that appears on more than 130 wingnut Web sites with a whopping typo (trafficing?) in the headline that nobody seems to have noticed:

"No wonder bigshots are for unrestricted immigration. The suburbs of Montgomery County, Maryland have a reputation as a bastion of liberalism and increasingly as a region in which English is a dieing [super-ironic sic] language..." (From: Liberal Maryland Suburb A Hub Of Human Trafficing [sic])

Fred doesn't think much of Hillary Clinton. Here's my favorite Meekins one-liner:

"Instead of worrying what came out of Cheney's mouth, she should be more
concerned about what went into Monica's in a room where President Reagan
felt too dignified to even remove his suit coat." (From: Hillary High Horse)

Here Fred criticizes semi-POTUS Cheney for his pro-sapphic liberalism and fantasizes briefly about maintaining a harem:

"Neither of the two main parties will do much in stemming the downward moral spiral griping [sic] the United States. In enunciating his position on gay marriage, Vice President Dick Cheney has said people ought to be free to enter into any kind of relationship they want. Really? Does that mean, if I can find a dozen women amicable to the arrangement, that I can form a harem that caters to my every whim, allowing me to lead a life of luxury since such a situation would allow me to sit back and send a number out to work, a number to tend house, and a number to shower affection on when in the mood." (From: Neither Party Adequately Addresses Issue Of Moral Decline)

Want to know what Fred thinks about bugs? He wants to tell you that he prefers them to 'environmentalists and evolutionists':

"Every seventeen years, periodical cicadas emerge from their otherwise sedate underground burrows to serenade their ladies fair and to inconvenience humans unsettled by the disturbing countenance and unique musical tastes of these creatures. But unlike environmentalists and evolutionists, these pests are gracious enough to subject us to their whining only once every decade and a half and aren’t nearly as nerve-wracking." (From: Noisy Bugs Aren’t Only Ones Making Irritating Racket)

Some conservatives pretend to like Muslims, black people — even Jews — but Fred isn't shy about calling the colonial wogs 'uncivilized':

"For some kind of amicable reporte [sic] has had to be established arising from kindness on the part of Americans if civilized Iraqis are clamoring to experience our troops’ chapel services." (From: Media In Ideological Collusion With Iraqi Militants)

Not a fan of Aerosmith or Britney 'The Whore of Babylon' Spears:

" ...But instead of marching bands or performers with class such as The Statler Brothers or Cristy Lane offering up patriotic melodies in honor of God and country, some of the nation’s most hallowed ground was despoiled by burlesque behavior more suited to the ghettos and slums found in shadier sections of the Federal City. Foremost among these reprobates ranked Aerosmith and Britney Spears." (From: Tramps For Troops: A Post-Season Analysis)

This one's some kind of random bitch about liberal Christmas haters. Or maybe the Lithium just wore off:

"Some Neo-pagans are more than happy to oblige Christians forfeiting the day over the occultic origins of certain symbols by reimbuing [sic] them with their ancient pre-Christian meanings. For example, one sect of nature worshippers suggests decorating your "solstice tree" with pagan symbols. Instead of placing an angel atop it, I guess you’d hang Al Gore or Oprah Winfrey figurines from the branches." (From: All America Needs Next Christmas Is A New Backbone)

What happened to 'all God's creatures'? Fred Meekins on animals:

"Kelly’s documentary debut was as uninspired since her program focused on the Nile crocodile. Doesn’t this network suffer from a dearth of reptile coverage; after all, isn’t one of the channel’s headliners known as "The Croc Hunter"? Why not a nice show about birds? Seems they hardly have any shows anymore about animals worthy of our admiration, only about those needing to be chopped up by a garden hoe or run over by a lawnmower." (From: Drama Queen Crowned King Of The Jungle)

Seig Heil — it's Kwanza:

Some Germans use to have their own movement through which they sought to unify Germans around the world for the sake of there Germaness. It was known as the Nazi Party. Don’t dismiss this as a stretched analogy. The sentiments expressed by National Socialism and the vaunted principles of Kwanza already share a startling similarity." (From: Racial Revelry)

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TRY THE "BUSH IS A LOSER" GAME

Here's a good game for lovers of the deceptively obvious. The rules are simple:

1. Read a Bush speech (for this example we'll be using his October 18 remarks at the signing of the Department of Homeland Security Appropriations Act for 2006)

2. Take the name of any individual he gives mad props to, add the word 'failure' and Google them. You will be somewhat unsurprised at the results.

THE PRESIDENT: "Thank you all. Please be seated. Thanks for coming. Welcome to the White House...I want to thank Secretary Mike Chertoff for the job he's doing."

"Michael Chertoff's record at the Justice Dept. has followed the same downward arc as a belly-flop. He's managed to botch every major case he's handled and elicit the well-deserved scorn of civil liberties groups. Only in the gravity-defying world of G.W. Bush, where reality is routinely run through a public relations shredder, would a bungler like Chertoff reach the top-spot at Homeland Security." (Counterpunch.org)

"I want to welcome Josh Bolten, Director of OMB. He's the money man. (Laughter.)"

"[Josh Bolten] is a perfect fit for the Rove political machine – but perhaps not such a great fit for the rest of the country who deserve to actually have an office of budget and management, not an office of Enron accounting to make our economy 'appear healthy'." (Tylwythteg.com)

"I appreciate Ambassador John Negroponte for joining us, the Director of National Intelligence;"

"Negroponte has precious little intelligence experience. And the experience he does have has been characterized by abject failure." (OilEmpire.us)

"Director Porter Goss of the CIA;"

"As Chairman of the House Intelligence Committee over the last 8 years, Goss has produced nothing of note that would qualify him for the job. In fact, 9-11 is a notable failure that can be charged against him and his Committee." (Spartacus.Schoolnet.co.uk)

"Vice Admiral Scott Redd, Director of the National Counter terrorism Center."

"Senators probably won’t hear much about Redd’s counter terrorism expertise: According to widely circulated news stories, Redd has never been involved in counter terrorism operations... However, key questions arise with Redd's most recent post—Deputy Administrator and Chief Operating Officer of the Coalition Provisional Authority in Baghdad. Criticisms of the CPA are well documented: $8.8 billion missing in Iraq reconstruction funds; lack of progress in restoring Iraq's pre-war infrastructure; seriously flawed security force training and deployment and allegations of election fraud." (Unbossed.com)

"I want to thank the members of Congress who are up here with me -- Thad Cochran of Mississippi, Chairman of the Appropriations Committee;"

"Republican Sen. Thad Cochran said Tuesday he declined to co-sponsor a popular resolution apologizing for Senate inaction on lynchings." (ClarionLedger.com)

"Senator Judd Gregg, Chairman of the Appropriations Subcommittee on Homeland Security;"

"As a congressman, Gregg voted against establishing a Martin Luther King Jr. national holiday and also opposed it for his home state, New Hampshire. Recently, he joined a handful of senators who refused to sign a resolution apologizing for the failure across many decades to enact federal anti-lynching legislation." (College.Columbia.edu)

"Senator John Kyl, Chairman of the Senate Republican Policy Committee."

"Mr. Kyl's big contribution to the Katrina recovery has been to support measures to eliminate taxes on investments and estates in the affected areas. Currently, tax breaks for dividends and capital gains flow mostly to people who make six figures or more; estate taxes don't even apply unless an estate exceeds $1.5 million." (AZCentral.com)

"I want to thank the members of the House who've joined me up here: Congressman Hal Rogers, Chairman of the Appropriations Subcommittee on Homeland Security;"

I think you're getting the idea... We're less than two minutes into Chimpy's speech and he's already praised one 'bungler', an Enron accounting aficionado, one 'abject failure', one unqualified bureaucrat, the guy who made cash disappear in Iraq, two pro-lynchers and a post-Katrina carpetbagger. Phew! Dig up Nixon: all is forgotten...

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ONE SMALL THOUGHT...

Here's a shot of George signing a flag during a 2004 campaign meet and greet with a pack of slobbering, chromosome-depleted 'patriots'.

First off, what kind of egomaniacal prick autographs a national flag? Secondly, as he's nominally Commander-in-chief, shouldn't someone have reminded the aforementioned egomaniacal prick that defacing the flag is an offense? To wit:

"US Code, Title 4, Chapter 1, Sec. 8 (g): "The flag should never have placed upon it, nor on any part of it, nor attached to it any mark, insignia, letter, word, figure, design, picture, or drawing of any nature."

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"The war has developed not necessarily to Japan's advantage."

Emporer Hirohito

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