DEMS RESPOND TO GOP-FINANCED ATTACK ADS

It was a hard task to match the ingenious tactics of Rove and Cheney — shamelessly paying old geezers to lie through their false teeth on TV about another guy's war record? Pure class, pure inspiration...

Not to be outdone, democratic activists have launched 'Kamikaze Veterans For Truth' in order to attack Bush Junior's heroic war record. The new ads feature veterans of the pacific war such as Kenzo Takahashi, veteran of over 20 suicide missions, who are all eager to slam Bush for a few bucks and a little attention.

"I never saw that monkey looking fool within a mile of a fire fight... I'm 112 years old and my chin-chin sees more action than his flying suit." Says Mr. Takahashi who denies that Bush not being born until 1946 should have any bearing on the matter. Nor does he believe that being American should have prevented an honorable man from serving the Imperial Japanese armed forces in their hour of greatest need.

"The great thing about these kind of commercials," said a source, "is that organizations such as Kamikaze Veterans For Truth are totally fake - so nothing they say can be classified as a lie because they don't actually exist. It's like a Sartre thing really."

IT'S A DIRTY JOB, BUT SOMEONE'S GOT TO DO IT!

Next time you see a Republican, just give the little guy a hug and tell him 'it's OK'. Just think, a little bit of lovin' could be all that stands between you and Armageddon... And, perhaps, if Lynne Cheney could be persuaded to make with a B.J. once in a while, we could avoid the trouble and expense of another pointless overseas military disaster.

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