Katherine Debrecht | Paul Kregor | Burt Prelutsky | Laura Ingraham | Bill Bennett | Oliver North | Fred Barnes | Bill O'Reilly | Michelle Malkin | Rush Limbaugh | Alan Colmes

LOOK OUT KIDS OR TED'LL GET YOU!
KATHARINE DEBRECHT

Katharine Debrecht believed the world needed a book called "Help! Mom! There Are Liberals Under My Bed!" and so with poison-pen in fist, and anti-liberalism spewing forth from every orifice, she sat down to write it.

I will resist the temptation just write 'stupid stupid stupid bitch' (attorneys take note) and say instead that Debrecht is clearly insane. How else could an intelligent (presumably), middle-class American woman believe it to be in any way appropriate to use a children's book as a missile for slinging shit at politicians she doesn't like?

Debrecht has set out to show the kids how evil Ted, Hillary and all their liberal chums really are and has garnered fulsome praise from America's a-list roster of dribbling right-wing spastics for doing so."Our hat is off, here, to Katharine Debrecht." Slurred shit sack Limbaugh on his radio show while Grover Norquist (the moron who compares estate taxes to the Holocaust) said the book "combines an ingenious story with hilarious illustrations to teach kids about the value of hard work and the threat that taxes pose to the American Dream." Because no kid is ever too young to be taught lies and wingnut propaganda.

At this point you may find yourself wondering what the fuck is wrong with America and, more specifically, the idiot parents who buy this cuntservative shit as fodder for the growing minds of their hatchlings. Debrecht, who served as co-captain of "Security Moms for Bush" (insert lesbo-oriented joke), would certainly not blame herself. Nor would she blame the malignant juggernaut of vacuous cuntservatism she has hitched her wagon to. Instead, she'd tell you that it's homosexuality, illegal drugs, taxes and big government that are spoiling the fatherland.

Presumably, the fact that Debrecht's boy Bush is now presiding over America's biggest ever government - and collecting more taxes from more (non-rich) people than ever before - should not be allowed to stand in the way of a bad argument. And everybody knows all the homos are liberals (log cabin anyone?), as are all the illegal drug users. Huh Rush? Huh George..?. (top)

THE VAGINA MONOLOGUES:
PAUL KENGOR

My fingers are paralyzed... my synapses fried... I feel confused, sad and intellectually rufied. Perhaps you recognize the symptoms? I just read an article by the Cuntservative's Cuntservative, the nabob of slime, the Generalissimo of gimcrack fascisticuffs: Dr. Paul Kengor.

This flabby, fuck-faced propagandist has not only inflicted "God And George Bush" on the world (sure, you don't have to read it, but just knowing it exists is enough to give you brain cancer) he also claimed responsibility for another literary atrocity entitled "God And Ronald Reagan." Jeez, what have you got against God, Dr. Kengor?

His most recent affront to logical thought is a piece called "Insanity Of The 'Bush Lied' Hypothesis" in which he claims "There is a hatred of George W. Bush so consuming that it has left many otherwise sensible people with an inability to deal with questions concerning the man and his policies." This unoriginal and deeply cynical ploy to turn outrage over America's shittest-ever President into outrage against the outraged (bear with me) is one of the most desperate ploys ever resorted to by a beleaguered GOP running on ideological fumes.

To claim that our President is a lying sack of shit is clearly not 'insane' by any standard. Even if you disagree, it's impossible to deny that persuasive evidence exists and a firm (and sane) foundation on which to build the argument. What Kengor is really saying in his deeply offensive crypto-fascist way, is that you have no right to say it. Truth or otherwise is not the issue for him: The right to even say it is the real issue.

With such obnoxious shots across the bows of free speech, Kengor is scraping away the democratic veneer of Cuntservatism to reveal its true nature: Cuntservatives don't just hate opposing opinions, they hate the very idea of dissent itself.

In the Soviet Union, dissenters from the party line were labeled insane and isolated in mental institutions. Trade 'Stalin' for 'Bush' in Kregor's title and imagine the front page of Pravda circa 1935: "Insanity Of The 'Stalin Lied' Hypothesis." Thanks to Comrade Kengorovich, it would seem that North Korea is not the only outpost of Stalinism today.

And what does Paul Kengor have in common with The Vagina Monologues? They're both cunts talking. (top)

MEDIA PINHEAD OF THE WEEK:
BURT PRELUTSKY

Today's greasy thumb print on the sandwich crust of life is Burt Prelutsky. It's not that Burt is the bald fool who wrote "Conservatives Are from Mars (Liberals Are from San Francisco): A Hollywood Rightwinger Comes Out of the Closet", or that he blames Bush's current pariah status on his being "forthright about his religion", it's not even that he wrote that pile of shit TV show "Dr Quinn: Medicine Woman" that gets my goat. It's the fact that this 'Hollywood Conservative' seems to be the only anti-semitic Jew this side of Bizarro World.

Like a Kosher Alan Keyes, Prelutsky is loved by the conservatives for denigrating his own people so they don't have to. As it's now considered gauche to knock the Jews if you're a WASPy, white conservative, what could be better than getting a real live heeb to do the knocking for you? Yes, Jews are terrible people. Burt Prelutsky told me and he should know 'cos he is one. If that isn't the modus operandi of a prick, then call me meshuggah.

One of Burt's recent retarded screeds that must have had the Christian Wrong creaming their tighty whities was his townhall.com piece, "The Jewish Grinch Who Stole Christmas", in which he rambles on about how no-one is allowed to call it Christmas anymore. Using that lame Bill O'Reilly talking point that's so tired it makes you yawn for it, Prelutsky whines about the hated ACLU and it's dark minions who are working to outlaw Jesus. "It is the ACLU, which is overwhelmingly Jewish in terms of membership and funding, that is leading the attack against Christianity in America," he blusters. The attack against Christianity in America? I guess that with Christian conservatives dominating every governing body from the White House down to your local residents' association these days, it's easy to miss just how threatened and oppressed they really are. Good work, Burt.

This miserable, culturally corrosive, lying tool is just another tentacle of the conservative putsch to trash America and replace it with an Ayatollah Goldwater theocracy that would make Saudi Arabia look like the Netherlands during pot and prostitution appreciation week. The bad news for these dickheads, however, is that more of us care nothing for the stick-up-the-ass fake Christian fascism that Prelutsky and his pals are trying to foist on us.

So will there ever come a time when we no longer have to endure the constant background yipping of these hate-filled, anti-American bags of shit? I do hope so. (top)

MEDIA PINHEAD OF THE WEEK:
LAURA INGRAHAM

This week's cute-shaped herpe on the lip of the Mona Lisa is Laura Ingraham. Like Ann Coulter, she may have seen more conservative cock than the urinals at the last Republican National Convention, but this doesn't stop her proselytizing for conservative values and squatting the moral high ground. She used to be a Reagan speech writer and once referred to Donald Rumsfeld as 'cutie-pie' so you know we are in the presence of something disturbed.

She's a lot easier on the eye than Coulter (who just looks like an emaciated skank in comparison) and a lot easier on the ear. But that's the scary part. Whereas Coulter screams hate, Ingraham whispers it seductively. Ingraham pitches her "Shut Up And Sing" book (available for a princely $1 at conservative book club.com) with this critique of liberal America:

Short of adding "nerr, nerr, nerr" at the end, it's hard to imagine how one could make this slab of 'tard trash any more pathetic. This Dartmouth College graduate cosies up to middle America by whining "They are sure that where we live...is an insipid cultural wasteland." We? So which derided, down-home red state does Ingraham call home? Iowa, Idaho, Utah? Nope, Connecticut-born Ingraham is currently located in good ol' Washington DC – that Rockwellesque outpost of honest simplicity and unsophisticated moral rectitude.

Isn't it amazing how they get away with the patronizing "liberals are elitist, but I'm one of y'all" crap every time? Ingraham is just another blue-blood exposing her intellectual butt crack to win the affection of the proles. Bill O'Reilly even lied about where he was born in his own autobiography (maybe the ultimate dishonest/stupid interface in literary history?) to make himself seem more blue collar. Sean Hannity (prep school-educated millionaire) has styled himself as a straight-talking working class chippy while, of course, the ultimate fake sits in the White House. Conservatives – gotta admire their honesty.

It certainly doesn't hurt Ingraham's career that she's a definite RILF who has done so much for the cause of GOP approved onanism. But her looks should not be the issue. On the inside, this bitch is uglier than Joe Viterelli wearing a Dick Cheney mask. According to Jeff Koopersmith at AmericanPoliticsJournal.com, Ingraham is "the most hateful, hate-filled and vindictive of the longer-haired, Eva-Braunesque pundette princesses." Nice one, Jeff. (top)

MEDIA PINHEAD OF THE WEEK:
BILL BENNETT

This week's piss cloud in the gene pool is ex-Secretary of Education (yes, really) and ex-Drug Czar, Bill Bennett.

Permanently hungover-looking Bill has now forsaken the giddy world of talking shit for a living as a Republican pol and has branched out into talking shit for a living as a radio 'personality.' Bill hosts 'Bill Bennett's Morning In America' where he battles micro-wits with whatever socially challenged cretins are able to drag-ass out of bed for a rant first thing in the morning.

Recently, Bill's sensitive and considered views caused even some of his best buds (see above) to drop him like 'Kenny' Lay. On September 28, he traded eugenics theories with a caller who was convinced that Roe v. Wade (as opposed to Republican financial malfeasance) is to blame for the imminent implosion of the Social Security system. Another fruit of this subterranean-brow discourse included Bill's assertion that "if you wanted to reduce crime, you could abort every black baby in this country, and your crime rate would go down."

Yes, that's right, Bill wants you to know that aborting all black babies would reduce crime. And this prick was in a government? That didn't have 'Reich' in its name? (top)

MEDIA PINHEAD OF THE WEEK:
OLIVER NORTH

This week's crumb in the butt crease is the previously 'of note' Oliver North who many may have hoped was missing in media action.

Today, Ollie is a syndicated columnist and presents "War Stories with Oliver North" on the F(oxymoron) News Channel. He's also a regular commentator on Hannity and Colmes and a respected man of letters in right wing blog world (where writers with Spell Check are considered warlocks).

Ollie was indicted on sixteen felony charges connected with Iran-Contra back in 1988 (three stuck) and admitted lying to congress. He headed the illegal operation to sell weapons to Iran and pass the profits on to the Reagan-backed death squads attempting to topple the democratically elected Nicaraguan government. It was, as Ollie said, a "neat idea" and it has led to him being considered a conservative hero in the neocon pantheon of shit-stained reps we are supposed to admire.

Ol' slab-face is a typical right wing moron manipulator whose main gist seems to be "those liberals are so hateful" while, at the same time, being as obnoxious himself as any other neocon cunt. On theconservativevoice.com, a site strangely depressing for its hackneyed pathos, Ollie holds court for the witless minions. But these days, as the unmistakable whiff of death emanates from the moribund Bush regime, Ollie's slatherings begin to sound less rant and more premenstrual depression.

It's maybe too easy to hate someone so insufferable: someone so religious and yet so hard for war, so patriotic (his homepage is called NorthAmerican.com for fuck's sake) and yet so willing to commit quasi-treasonous acts. Ollie says it himself: "As they used to tell us in the Marines: You cannot demand respect. You have to earn it." Yeah, and you earn being regarded as an all-round hypocritical prick too. (top)

MEDIA PINHEAD OF THE WEEK:
FRED BARNES

Today's surprise puppy poop on the rug is Fred Barnes - maybe Fox's only openly gay pundit (with the possible exception of Brian Kilmeade).

Fred makes a living talking out his saggy sphincter for the puppeteers at neocon HQ and is associated with so many right wing organs he really could be called the (grating) voice of Jeezuzland. Like so many of his disingenuous fellow talking heads, Fred still farts on about the mythical Liberal bias of America's media that hasn't existed (if it ever really did) since before the Nixon administration. And, even though the very presence of professional liars like Barnes and Coulter on TV gives the lie to the whole tired cliché to begin with, Fred seems unlikely to ever stop flogging that particular dead horse. It would not surprise me if he showed up on screen sporting flared pants and a "Vote for Ford" button, such is the out-of-whack nature of his contemporaneity.

Fred got a lot of press after Michael Moore wrote about an interview he did with him in his book 'Stupid White Men' which made Barnes look like a senile old bastard. In Moore's interview, he pontificated that kids should be made to study the classics before inadvertently revealing his own ignorance of the subject. Because it made him look dumb, Fred then lied that the interview had never taken place and that Moore had made it all up as some kind of liberal smear tactic.

Fred's big fib gave birth to gigabytes of vicious op-eds and smug blogs denouncing Moore - not Fred - as the busted liar. To this day Google is still clogged with "Barnes tells truth, Michael Moore is a liar" garbage which, by virtue of its weight of numbers, would lead a casual inquirer to assume that Barnes, not Moore, was actually telling the truth. But the interview did take place back in 1988 and was picked up by the Moony run Washington Times after Michael Moore ran it. So, for camp Freddy it's a big "liar, liar, pants on fire" from Fried Wire.

But when this bile master does weigh in on non-imaginary issues, he does so with all the wit and grace one would expect from a self-important dickhead devoid of all reason, honesty and accountability. Here's Fred's considered opinion on Cindy Sheehan as aired recently on F(oxymoron) News' Special Report with Brit Hume: "This woman wants to go in and tell the President that the war is about oil because the President wants to pay off his buddies. She's a crackpot, and yet the press treats her as some important protestor." Classy.

In conclusion, Fred will be remembered as a loyal disciple and advocate for the 50.73% President who never allowed truth to get in the way of the Rethuglican cause. He really deserves some kind of recognition. Perhaps Bush could start handing out tin medals to reward his favorite apparatchiks like Stalin used to do? Or perhaps the misanthropic old queen should just retire to Boca Raton and shut the fuck up. (top)

MEDIA PINHEAD OF THE WEEK:
BILL O'REILLY

Today's fart in the elevator is the F(oxymoron) News channel's most bellicose liar, Mr Bill O'Reilly, the man for whom "shut up, you've had your say" has become a catch phrase.

To say that Bill lies would beg the question: "and your point is?" It's like saying that a cow says "moo" or a dog says "woof" or a Republican vice president says "fuck you."

That Bill has attained the stature he has is a depressing symptom of just how far the American news media has strayed from it's original aim of providing a politically neutral public service. To allow this aging elementary school bully the exposure he has achieved is equivalent to giving an anti-semitic Tourette's sufferer a bull horn and setting them free in the middle of a jewish funeral.

But Bill doesn't merely lie, he actively despises the truth; he doesn't bend the truth, he fucks it up the ass, beats it mercilessly into a bloody pulp, and throws the mess at us like an ebola infected monkey hurling shit. In short, Bill makes Archie Bunker sound like Noam Chomsky.

Psychoanalysts say anger is a 'blocked wish' and it's what adults do instead of crying. If this is true, Bill's wishes must get blocked more frequently than a cheeseburger in Elvis' colon. And, underneath the smug, middle-aged exterior, Bill must be the screamiest, most crybaby toddler you ever saw throw a fit in Wal-Mart. What makes baby Bill cry like a bitch? The list seems infinite, though it could be roughly summarized as anyone who doesn't like F(oxymoron) News and/or isn't Bill O'Reilly. In Bill's world rappers, Democrats, civil rights advocates and antiwar activists all hang out together, somewhere in France, to plot the destruction of Bill O'Reilly and all he holds holy.

His show is a great resource for bigots and armchair haters who are all out of ideas. Run out of stuff to hate? Tune in to the O'Reilly Factor and check out Bill's latest boycott! Would anyone have really bothered to start hating France if it wasn't for Bill? Now even the folks in the Heartland who wouldn't know a chateau from a shitter, find themselves invigorated by a hatred for all things Francais because of him.

But you really don't have to watch Fox to see Bill O'Reilly. Drop by any depressed downtown in the country and you can see a dozen of 'em. Witness the piss-stained, paranoid, potty-mouthed pontificators railing against everything and everyone. The only difference is that Bill still has a job. Unfortunately. (top)

MEDIA PINHEAD OF THE WEEK:
MICHELLE MALKIN

Today's turd in the swimming pool is Michelle Malkin, a kind of Filipino Anne Coulter sans charm.

At least Coulter is funny by virtue of being such a hysterical übertard that her neo-fascist rhetoric comes over as nothing more than the comic ravings of a foil-hatted loon. Malkin, on the other hand, seems dead serious about the hateful and divisive crap she spouts. While fatty Coulter's schlock reactionism is nothing more than verbal diarrhea, Malkin's brand of hate-speak is a virulent strain of amoebic dysentery.

Last year she published the charmingly entitled "In Defense of Internment: The Case for Racial Profiling in World War II and the War on Terror" in which she made the case for treating the Arab American population like the government did the Japanese Americans back in the 40s. How sweet.

It hardly seems worth pointing out to anyone past age five that most Arab Americans are here because they love America as much as anyone else or, at least, prefer it to the torture-ravaged theocracies from which they fled. The same was true with the Japanese Americans who were forced to sit out WWII in American concentration camps. But it seems 60 years is not quite long enough for the message to sink in for pinheads like Malkin.

You would never guess it, but she's a frequent F(oxymoron) News commentator and (depressingly) a nationally syndicated columnist. In the same way that Alan Keyes (the black Republican) can be wheeled out to criticize black folks for the party, Malkin can also be relied on by the neocons to say the stuff whitey can't get away with saying in public. "You can't call me a racist, even the chink agrees with me." runs the logic. That's why she's often accused of being an 'Aunt Thomasina.' Personally, I'd stick with mean-spirited racist bitch. (top)

MichelleMalkin.com
http://hnn.us/articles/7094.html
http://www.refuseandresist.org/detentions/art.php?aid=1535

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