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***IMPORTANT
NOTICE***
PLEASE DON'T HOTLINK TO ANYTHING IN HERE (OR ANYWHERE ELSE
ON THIS SITE)
FEEL FREE TO STEAL ANYTHING EXCEPT MY BANDWIDTH!
(It's easy to find out which sites are linking directly
to movies and pictures here. Any hotlinked images are replaced
with a picture of a dude blowing a hobo. Ask yourself: do I
really want that on my site?)
ADD
THE THE FRIED WIRE HEADLINE FEED TO YOUR SITE... AND SHARE
THE LITIGATION!
Add this self-updating headline gizmo to your site and link directly
to the latest news items. Copy the code below and stick it wherever you
like between your body tags:
STUPIDEST BITCH IN THE CONTINENTAL UNITED STATES?
We have a winner. (Note great cock/balls combo headgear...)
FRIED
WIRE FAVORITE KEYWORDS
Web geeks will be familiar with server
applications designed to log Web site statistics. These things are a great way
of finding out how many hits you're getting and other more esoteric
information.
Probably the oddest report is 'top keywords' which lists all the words and phrases
that led people to your site from Google. Here are my
personal favorites that,
somehow, brought traffic here. As a random sampling
of Web memes, it makes for weird reading.
THE
CARLOS MENCIA DE-DE-DURR SOUND
Having noticed how many people are browsing into
Fried Wire searching for the famous 'De-de-durr' sound,
I have included a soundclip
here (which was a
total bitch to find) out of a sense of public duty. Of
course, this varies slightly from
the classic Carlos
Mencia
'De-de-dee'
'catchphrase',
but this
is the only place you'll find a recording of either for
now.
FRIED
WIRE 'OBLIGATORY ANNOYING POP-UP' GALLERY
I like pop-up windows, especially my own. Here they
can be viewed in a less abrupt setting and appreciated
for the great art they really aren't. Pray
For The Death of Bill O'Reilly was ripped
off from Larry Flynt's Web site. It's now very old. Ronald
Reagan Sadly Missed is dedicated to those people
who think it distasteful to mock a guy when he's dead. Unfortunately
for
those people,
my animus for the Gipper was not dinted by his passing. Bomb
Texas is a response to Vietnam and the two
Gulf Wars we had courtesy of presidents from Texas. Texas
has
it coming. Bush/Cheney bumper
stickers everywhere would be replaced with this. Support
Our Troops is a simple point that needs
to be made to all wing nuts who flap their traps about
'liberals
hating the troops.' God
Bless America say Conservatives. I'd agree,
but with one
qualification. Karl
Rove, the teflon don of
neoconservatism, just can't get himself arrested for
love nor money. Dummer:
If you have a Hummer, want a Hummer or even know anyone
who
has one of these satanic contraptions, you suck. Shut
The Fuck Up For Jesus is my call to fake
Christians everywhere. Why is it that the bigger the
bastard, the more they talk
about
Jesus?
America
is full of pricks who wouldn't understand forgiveness, humility, love and selflessness
if the big guy himself came down to earth and nailed himself to a cross to explain
it to them. Wal-Mart:
Satan's Superstore is
a great place to buy TP and detergent (maybe a great place for small town tweakers
to hang
out at four in the morning) but it is concrete proof
that
there
should
be limits to the 'free' market.
FRIED
WIRE'S FAVORITE MOVIE CLIPS
You've
probably seen them already, but
I don't care. The best places for
dumb/weird/amusing movies on the Web are, of course, ifilm.com and ebaumsworld.
ASHCROFT
SINGS - A NATION CRINGES
Remember
the vocal stylings of one-time Witchfinder General John Ashcroft?
Watch this live rendition of his self-penned "Let The Eagle
Soar" and wonder how his crazy ass was not fired sooner.
(watch
movie)
LSD
TESTED ON BRITISH ARMY
Back
when LSD was still a relatively new drug, it was tested on
hapless military personel to find out if it would help troops
perform
their
duties more effectively. Shortly after this film was shot
in England, "Operation Freaking Obvious"
was closed down. (watch
movie)
DOCTOR'S
ORDERS
September
10, 2005 (GULFPORT, Mississippi)
An
emergency room physician, whose home was destroyed by Hurricane
Katrina, told Vice President Dick Cheney to "go fuck
himself." Ben Marble approached an outdoor press conference
and took a picture of Cheney before yelling "Go fuck
yourself Mr. Cheney ....Go fuck yourself....Go fuck yourself...you
asshole." (watch
movie) Needless to say, Fried Wire is a big fan of Ben
Marble.
BUSH
REACHES OUT TO AMERICA
August,
2000 (AUSTIN, Texas)
As
the two-executions a week reign of Governor Bush drew to
an end and the White House beckoned, George gave this off-the-cuff
performance during the taping of some kind of bullshit video.
(watch
movie)
THE
CLASSIC TOURETTES WEATHERMAN
I
have no clue who this guy is but, as the Fox Channel's Tourette's
Weatherman, he is now one of the most popular downloads on
the Web. Of course he did not have Tourette's, he just threw
a hissy fit when he thought he was off-camera because he
was dissatisfied with his performance. Jeez, it's the weather,
dude, not Hamlet's soliloquy... (watch
movie)
ARNOLD'S
COMING...
Sometime
back in the late 1970s (I'm too lazy to research this), the
future governor of California expounds on his twin fascinations:
body-building and orgasms. This probably goes some way to
explain the various sex-related allegations that were to
crop up from time to time during his later years. (watch
movie)
WHO
SAID WHITE PEOPLE CAN'T DANCE?
I'm
guessing that this is in Sweden and (hopefully) it was broadcast
some time in the 1970s. (watch
movie)
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