C–Spam January-May 2005

Registered sex offender James Andrew Crawford, 35, was arrested in May in Perris, Calif., after having camped for two weeks in a theater line that was waiting for "Star Wars: Episode III" to open. According to a Riverside County deputy sheriff, Crawford was in violation of a state law that requires sex offenders to notify the government if they adopt a new "domicile" for more than five days. (msnbc.com)

The South Carolina House's Judiciary Committee, voting in mid-April on two bills to upgrade the crimes of, respectively, gamecock fighting and spousal abuse, from misdemeanors to felonies, passed the former but tabled the latter for the remainder of 2005. (wistv.com)

JEFF GANNON, HOMO-CON, ADMITS PAST 'MISTAKES.'
February 19, 2005 (WASHINGTON, DC)

Jeff Gannon, the former White House reporter whose naked pictures have appeared on a number of gay escort sites, says that he has "regrets" about his past but that White House officials knew nothing about his salacious activities. "I've made mistakes in my past," he said yesterday. "Does my past mean I can't have a future? Does it disqualify me from being a journalist?"

Gannon chastised his critics, breaking a silence that began last week when liberal bloggers disclosed his real name, James Dale Guckert, and a Web page, which he paid for, featuring X rated photos of himself. "Why would they be looking into a person's sexual history? Is that what we're going to do to reporters now? Is there some kind of litmus test for reporters? Is it right to hold someone's sexuality against them?"

As for his critics, Gannon said: "People have said some of my writing expressed a hostile point of view" toward gays. "These people are willing to abandon their principles on the basis of trying to make me out to be a hypocrite. These are the same groups that cherish free speech and privacy." (Washington Post)

OK, I've read stuff that made me seethe with anger before but... I shall try to compose myself. 1-2-3-4-5... Deep breath... This cynical shit actually has the fucking brass balls to try and turn PC-ness back on his detractors?! I wonder if Jeff's ever heard of Ernst Röhm? Hmm....

My favorite reference so far was on Bill Maher's 'Real Time' tonight. Maher was discussing the Gannon thing with Lesley Stahl, CBS's 60 Minutes Correspondent, who wasn't exactly champing at the bit to discuss government connections with gay prostitution. But she did (sneaky inference or Freudian slip?) say: "There's something behind this that hasn't come out yet." Yup. That'd be Karl. He's one of them mean queen's you know...

Queer Eye For The Hate Guy — Fried Wire opinion

One is Heinrich Himmler, one is Karl Rove. Spot the difference and win a night out with a hunky male prostitute...

THE WHIZZINATOR
February 15, 2005 (LOS ANGELES, California)

Actor Tom Sizemore has been jailed for violating his probation by failing a drug test after he was caught trying to use a prosthetic penis to fake the results, a Los Angeles County prosecutor said on Friday. The 43 year old actor is required to undergo random drug tests as a condition of probation for his convictions on separate charges of methamphetamine possession and beating his ex-girlfriend, former Hollywood madam Heidi Fleiss. (Associated Press)

German police are still hunting for a gang who have been sticking tiny American flags in dog excrement. Officers say they are baffled by the bizarre behavior - which does not break any laws. Cops had initially thought the jokers were protesting about the war in Iraq, but the pranks continued throughout George W Bush's re-election leaving detectives without a clear motive. Police spokesperson Reiner Kuechler said: "We have sent out extra patrols to try to catch whoever is doing this in the act. But frankly, we don't know what we would do if we caught them red-handed." Park boss Josef Oettl added: "This has been going on for about a year now, and there must be 2000 to 3000 piles of excrement that have been claimed during that time." (Associated Press)

The public's confidence in President Bush's job performance and the nation's direction has slipped in the opening weeks of his second term, particularly among people 50 and older, according to an Associated Press poll. Adults were evenly divided on Bush's job performance in January, but now 54 percent disapprove and 45 percent approve. The number who think the country is headed down the wrong track increased from 51 percent to 58 percent* in the past month. (Associated Press)

*So let's just back up there a second: 58% think Bush is taking the country "down the wrong track," but only 54% actually think that's a bad thing?

House Bill 1981 would fine males and females for intentionally wearing pants below the waistline, exposing underwear "intended to cover a person's intimate parts, in a lewd or indecent manner." The bill, sponsored by Del. Algie Howell Jr., D Norfolk targets popular hip-hop-influenced styles that many youths and adults of all races sport these days. It might snatch plumbers and carpenters, too, who have been known to show some bloomers and even butt cleavage. (Daily Press)

The shadowy contest among Republicans looking to succeed Jeb Bush burst briefly into the light this week. Winning Bush's blessing is seen by most political observers as a coup for anyone looking to follow the two-term governor. CFO Tom Gallagher and Attorney General Charlie Crist, both Republicans, have been laying the groundwork for months as they prepare to launch campaigns for governor. (Orlando Sentinel)

They got one called Crist? Now they need a Democrat called Stan to run, and we're just two letters away from Armageddon. Yee-haw!

"It's fun to shoot some people." Said the Marine Corps Lt. Gen. James Mattis while speaking at a forum in San Diego. His comments though appeared funny to some at the forum, have led to annoyance of many including his higher officials. Mattis was trying to portray the grim picture of war. The whole process of combating somehow appeared amusing to him when he said at a panel discussion hosted by the Armed Forces Communications and Electronics Association that, "Actually, it's a lot of fun to fight. You know, it's a hell of a hoot...It's fun to shoot some people. I'll be right upfront with you, I like brawling." (New York Times)

Porn star Jenna Jameson is now hawking her "moan tones." For $2.50 fans of the ubiquitous porno queen can choose from a variety of moans, grunts and lurid sexual noises all recorded by the blond bombshell. If that's not enough, Jameson will talk dirty to you when you phones rings, in English or Spanish. (Reuters)

I prefer my ring tone of Dick Cheney's orgasmic grunts as he wacks off over a giant stack of cash - it's edgier...

A 21-year-old man was hospitalized in intensive care following a barroom stunt in which he put on a helmet connected to a beer jug, with a hose that ran between the jug and a pump powered by an electric drill. The idea was to facilitate drinking a large quantity of beer without the laborious tasks of lifting a glass and swallowing, but the flow was so powerful that he had to be rushed to the hospital with a 10-centimeter tear in his stomach. (Salt Lake Tribune)

EVEN THE SCOUTS ARE CROOKED IN JEEZUZ LAND
January 26, 2005 (HUNTSVILLE, Alabama)

FBI investigating fake rosters at Boy Scouts

The FBI is investigating whether the Greater Alabama Boy Scout Council is listing fake names to boost enrollment, possibly to attract more United Way funding or make recruiters look better, scout officials said. Alabama scout volunteer Tom Willis said 20 kids listed for a program had the same last name: Doe. A probe is under way in Atlanta, and in Texas a scout group was forced to remove thousands of names. (www.newsday.com)

A weekend television weatherman was fired after he made an on-air racial slur about Martin Luther King Jr., station officials said. Rob Blair of KTNV-TV was delivering the extended forecast Saturday morning when he said: "For tomorrow, 60 degrees, Martin Luther Coon King Jr. Day, gonna see some temperatures in the mid-60s." Jim Prather, vice president and general manager of the ABC affiliate, said Blair stumbled but the excuse was not enough to save his job." (Associated Press)

Errant weathermen are something of a new trend — Click here for the infamous Fox Tourettes weatherman

'NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND' PIMP A GIANT HYPOCRITE?
January 14, 2005 (MEMPHIS, Tennessee)

The revelation last week that conservative "journalist" Armstrong Williams was paid $240,000 of our tax dollars to surreptitiously tout administration education policies was troubling in several regards. First, the public's already skeptical attitude toward the media got another boost. "How many more journalists are on the take?" they might justifiably ask.

But even if the Williams case is an isolated one, emerging details about the pundit's life will inevitably lead to even more cynicism about our media "elite." Williams, a noted opponent of gay marriage and the man who got Trent Lott to compare homosexuality to "kleptomania" and other mental diseases, has in fact been sued for sexual harassment by a former male employee who accused him of more than 50 advances. (The Memphis Flyer)

BE GLAD YOU WEREN'T ON HIS HIGH SCHOOL
FOOTBALL TEAM
January 10, 2005 (FORT HOOD, Texas)

Accused ringleader of prisoner abuse scandal goes on trial in Texas

The alleged ringleader of the Abu Ghraib prison scandal went on trial Monday with witnesses telling a military court they watched him punch an Iraqi inmate in the face and saw him laugh while forcing prisoners to pose naked. Spc. Charles Graner Jr. was the first soldier accused in the scandal to go on trial. Defense lawyer Guy Womack said Graner and his comrades were rewarded when they softened up detainees. Womack played down the photographs that showed naked prisoners stacked in pyramids. "Don't cheerleaders all over America make pyramids everyday?" he said. "It's not torture." (Associated Press)

SOMETHING ON TV MORE REPELLENT THAN BILL O'REILLY?
January 6, 2005 (LOS ANGELES, California)

NBC's 'Fear Factor' Sued for Rat-Eating Episode

Watching contestants eat dead rats on NBC's gross-out stunt show "Fear Factor" so disgusted a Cleveland man that he has sued NBC for $2.5 million, saying he could not stomach what he saw. In a handwritten four-page lawsuit filed in federal court in Cleveland on Tuesday, paralegal Austin Aitken said, "To have the individuals on the show eat and drink dead rats was crazy and from a viewer's point of view made me throw-up." (Reuters)

(Personally, I feel the urge to purge watching Bill O'Reilly on TV. Could I sue Fox News for damages? I would find on-screen rat eating a balm for the senses in comparison to thirty minutes of that sweaty, fascistic gobshite (definition).