MICKEY MOUSE KNOCK-OFF KNOCKED OFF

June 30, 2007

Disney copyright infringing anti-Zionist mouse killed by Israelis

Soo... when a Muslim fake mouse says it, it's bad. But when a retarded fake-Texan says we'll do it with God's will that's OK..?

A Mickey Mouse lookalike who preached Islamic domination on a Hamas-affiliated children's television program was beaten to death by an actor dressed as an Israeli soldier in the show's final episode Friday. "Farfour was martyred while defending his land," said Sara, the teen presenter.

The weekly show had attracted worldwide attention because the character urged Palestinian children to fight Israel. It was broadcast on Hamas-affiliated Al Aqsa TV.

Say what you like, but Al Aqsa TV definitely know how to liven up kids' TV. And am I the only one who finds it ironic that notorious Jew-hater Walt Disney would have probably loved the show? It's easy to forget that there was once a time when the American establishment was packed to the gills with antisemitic fascist nutjobs instead of pro-Zionist fascist nutjobs. My, how we've progressed... (Link to this)

BUNKER TIME FOR BUSHCO™?

June 29, 2007

No, wingnuts, I don't think Bush is Hitler and I don't think it's big or clever to paint little square mustaches on his monkey mug in Photoshop... but when you seize power in a rigged election, embark on a disastrous imperial war rooted in antisemitism (yes, Arabs are semites too), wrap yourself in fake patriotism as you gut your own constitution, obsess over secrecy, indulge in domestic surveillance, torture, internment without trial or cause and fetishize militarism, the parallels become inescapable...

"A little more to the right... and hold it. Good job, George, this one'll really creep out the liberals."

While Cheney continues to head his own shadow dictatorship within a dictatorship, Bush himself is indulging in a little "Nixonian stonewalling" with regard to subpoenas for documents about the great U.S. Attorney purge. "Increasingly, the president and vice president feel they are above the law," said Sen. Patrick Leahy, D-Vt., chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee.

It looks like bunker time for Bushco™. With a failed war, an economy staggering into recession, nearly 75% of the public against him and even his own malfeasance-friendly Republican cohorts dumping him like a lost cause, what now? The Red Army clanking down Pennsylvania Avenue in T-33 tanks? Maybe it's time for a final trip down into the Durr Fuehrer bunker with Barbara, Barney, a loaded gun and a party tray of cyanide... Or there's always that cozy bolthole in Paraguay so beloved by other failed dictators. (Link to this) (Related: THE BUSH BOYS FROM BRAZIL)

ELIZABETH EDWARDS APPEALS TO REASON... SORRY, REASON'S NOT IN RIGHT NOW

June 28, 2007

"If I'm gonna say anything about John Edwards in the future, I'll just wish he had been killed in a terrorist assassination plot."
- Ann Coulter

Today's 'political discourse' is as sophisticated as disease-stricken chimpanzees flinging shit at each other in some decrepit research lab where viruses leak through the air vents and infect everyone in the vicinity with terminal stupid. The disease is as pernicious as it is dumb and it's dragging down our collective IQ, our standards of decency and our capacities for reason...

Sure, I like to call out the wingnut hatespewers and disingenuous Democrat crapweasels as much as the next guy, but there is a level of pointless nastiness at which enough bitching is most definitely enough. That level has recently been reached courtesy of the psychotic rantings against John Edwards by Mr Ann Coulter.

On a recent MSNBC call-in, Elizabeth Edwards asked Coulter to stop making personal attacks - like calling her husband gay and accusing him of exploiting the death of his son for political gain - because, she said, "it lowers our political dialogue precisely at the time that we need to raise it."

But how is this innocuous request characterized by the dumbass MSM who feed off the hatred and stupidity generated by media shouting heads like Mr Coulter? ABC uses the terms "war of words", "verbal sparring" and speculates whether Edwards' complaints are a "publicity stunt." Congratulations ABC: Coulter has blazed the trail to a new low, and you're right down there with your "tough-talking conservative." (Link to this)

ALIEN V. PREDATOR: WHAT IS DICK CHENEY?

June 27, 2007

Executive, Legislative, carbon-based..?

Is Vice President Dick Cheney's office an executive branch agency? Or is it a Washington hybrid that works for both the executive and legislative branches of the US government? Or is he self-proclaimed Dark Lord of the Sith and scourge of the Jedi?

Democratic lawmakers say it is a serious matter that reflects on the vice president's penchant for secrecy – and that they might even hold up the funding for his office as a result. "That might not be a bad idea," said Sen. Dianne Feinstein during a broadcast interview.

So look forward to Cheney and his one-man shadow government skulking through the corridors of power like a shape-shifting predator for the rest of Durr Fuehrer's White House occupation. And a fully-funded budget courtesy of Feinstein's band of toothless, dickless, spineless watchdogs pussies. (How's that 'defunding the Iraq war' thing we voted for coming along anyway?) (Link to this)

TODAY SUCKS FOR...

June 26, 2007

Octogenarian Japanese Bicyclists
An 80-year-old man on the verge of completing a round-Japan cycling tour was killed by a truck on Monday only a few hours away from making it home after his 14 month trip.

Deer Lovers
After spending nearly two hours on the grass along Interstate 440 comforting an injured deer and keeping it out of traffic, Carol Kueny waited for an officer to fire the shot that would end its misery. Instead, she heard the repeated smack of a shovel, shut her eyes and counted 13 thuds. "If I'd known that was what was going to happen, I would've found the strength to twist that deer's neck and kill it myself," she said.

Teenage Colorado Geniuses
Authorities say 17-year-old Samuel Hedemark and 19-year-old Christopher Fuller climbed on top of a large, 20-foot tall oil storage tank and began to jump up and down. The tank exploded, killing the teens and throwing their bodies 150 yards. (Link to this)

ROMNEY: LDS DRAFT TRUMPS VIETNAM DRAFT

June 25, 2007

Holy draft dodgers! Another Republican who loves the troops (from a safe distance).

Mitt "Smells Great" Romney* is one of the most vociferous supporters of the war in Iraq and, as such, is widely viewed as the conservative's conservative nominee over Giuliani and McCain whose pro-war credentials are are viewed with suspicion by the wingnuts. Romney is a classic chickenhawk and yet another example of a rich brat advocating military service for those insufficiently privileged to say no when the draft board comes calling.

Romney was able to claim a deferment back in the 60s and spent 30 months spreading the word of Brigham Young in France while his less fortunate contemporaries dodged bullets and bungee traps out in 'Nam. Says the Boston Globe:

"Deferments for Mormon missionaries became increasingly controversial in the late 1960s, especially in Utah, leading the Mormon Church and the government to limit the number of church missionaries who could put off their military service... Romney's home state was Michigan, making his 4-D exemption as a missionary all but automatic because of the relatively small number of Mormon missionaries from that state."

What the Globe doesn't mention is that the Romney family technically had three home states (by virtue of having homes in three states) one of them being Utah. Could Romney have claimed Michigan as 'home' because would-be Mormon missionaries are thinner on the ground there than New Guinean Animists? A Pontiac, Michigan, churchman said he could not recall any time in which more than one potential draftee sought an exemption in the ward in a six-month period, so Romney's deferment was never in doubt. The same certainly could not have been said if he'd selected Utah as home... pure luck of course.

Does anyone think it's remotely ironic that the great cuntservative patriot so beloved by wingnuts abdicated his duty to his (secular) country during time of need to spread his crackpot religion instead? (Link to this) (Related: HELL NO, YOU CAN GO!)

*As opposed to Giuliani and McCain who smell like old lady perfume and over-boiled savoy cabbage respectively.

RACE TO THE BOTTOM

June 22, 2007

Bush and Congress Approval Ratings Continue to Sink Stink

Keeping tabs on Durr Fuehrer's pathetic approval ratings is a fascinating pastime - especially now he's a mere three points away from matching Nixon's post-Watergate record low. Bush's rating dipped to a dismal 26% in the latest Newsweek poll released yesterday with Congress as a whole on a similarly microscopic 25%.

So at what point do the losers in Washington stand up and say as one "Hey, everyone thinks we're doing a horrible job... maybe we should shape up?" It's difficult to imagine that ever happening... way easier to believe we're just stuck in a depressing race to the bottom with Dems and Reps both happy to languish in a no-effort-required nether world where we expect nothing of them but to keep turning up for their paychecks. We used to expect political vision, statesmanship and representation from our electeds. What happened to those naive expectations? Now we're just happy someone's picking up the mail and watering the plants in our half-derelict "house of Democracy." (Link to this)

THE NEXT COCAINE PRESIDENT AND OTHER LOSERS

June 22, 2007

Still no stink about Giuliani's cocaine connection... Still no viable candidates for 2008 who don't suck ass

Says News Hounds: "There were four segments about the presidential campaign on Hannity & Colmes last night (6/20/07), including one about Hillary Clinton getting booed at the Take Back America conference but there has yet to be a discussion of any of Rudy Giuliani's notable troubles in the past few days, including the indictment of the South Carolina chairman of his campaign on federal cocaine charges."

I think my Despise-o-meter™ will probably overload by the time our next crappy little election finally creaks round. What are there, like twenty of these shitsucking dullards all vying for nomination on both sides? And they all blow like a bunch of phony, principless (is that a word?) nonentities except Ron Paul and John Edwards who stand less chance of being picked than a chick-without-a-dick hooker at an evangelical convention.

Obama is starting to look more and more the bland media whore while Clinton's just a patronizing queen weasel hoping to slip-and-slide into the White House on a combination of gender novelty, hubby's rep and antique pity over his extramarital nob polishing. Fuck all of them and fuck us for sucking up to these losers as if they had even an ounce of credibility instead of just lining them up against a wall somewhere and shooting them Latin American style. (Giuliani while wearing a Catholic schoolgirl dress and being buggered by Clinton with a strap-on just for added entertainment perhaps...). Does anyone still doubt our system is terminally gutted if this is the best we can do? (Link to this) (Related: GIULIANI STOOGE IN COKE BUST)

A SPECIAL PLACE IN HELL FOR GEORGE W. BUSH... IT'S CALLED IRAQ

June 21, 2007

"It took a four-year civil war and a century of struggle after that before the promise of our Declaration (of Independence) was extended to all Americans... It is important to keep this history in mind as we look at the progress of freedom and democracy in Iraq." - George Bush

Iraq is now ranked as the second-most unstable country in the world, ahead of war-ravaged or poverty-stricken nations such as Somalia, Afghanistan, Haiti and North Korea, according to the 2007 Failed State index issued by Foreign Policy magazine and the Fund for Peace.

Despite billions of dollars in foreign aid, and the presence of more than 150,000 American troops, Iraq has been on a steady decline over the past three years, according to the index. It ranked fourth last year, but its score dropped in almost all of the 12 political, economic, security and social indicators on which the index is based.

So far 3,545 U.S. military personnel have died in the Iraq war - 68 of them in June with 12 being killed in only the last 24 hours. Our ex-cokehead, ex-alcoholic, fake-Texan, fake-President's vanity war has also resulted in 4.4 million refugees and Internally Displaced People according to the UN and is currently running the American taxpayer (and their children's children) around $2 billion a week.

There must be a special place in hell reserved for the architect of this madness... though to call such a spectacularly incompetent killer as Durr Fuehrer an architect of anything would be like remembering Harry Truman as a Japanese town planner. (Link to this)

SSSSQUEEEEEEAAAAWWWWW... IT'S HEAVY METAL DISEASE

June 21, 2007

Heavy Metal Finally Recognized as a Sickness

A Swedish heavy metal fan has had his musical preferences officially classified as a disability and is now able to supplement his income with state benefits.

Roger Tullgren, 42, from Hässleholm in southern Sweden has just started working part time as a dishwasher at a local restaurant with a special dispensation to play loud music at work.
"I have been trying for ten years to get this classified as a handicap," he said.

It's common sense that heavy metal should count as a disease, especially at 42, but what do they call it and how many umlauts are there in the name? (Link to this)

UGLY AMERICANS

June 20, 2007

Why do we hate the world?

Don't ask me why I was cruising the UAE Craigslist last night (probably something to do with my pathological aversion to doing anything useful), but the experience proved depressing.

On Craigslist's 'Rant & Rave' section, you'll always find room-temperature-IQ jerks mouthing off - but way too many of them seem to be American room-temperature-IQ jerks mouthing off about how [insert random foreign nation here] should be nuked or be otherwise punished for the horrible crime of not being America. And, speaking for the sane majority, it's fucking embarrassing.

Why is it always our idiots challenging the whole planet to a parking lot brawl? Why is it always some schmuck over here casting aspersions about the sexual orientation of the entire French nation? And how do other countries keep their morons quiet?

If only our morons could be sedated for a while, we'd go a long way down the road of recovering some national dignity in the eyes of the world. But of course, said morons don't give a shit about what the world thinks... only that they should be nuked for thinking it. (Link to this)

LIBERTY MAKING A COMEBACK?

June 20, 2007

Government Spying Scuppered by Appeals Court

As Bushco's banana republic tendencies assume ever greater prominence, it's easy to assume that the concept of liberty is passe in this country - languishing in history's big dumpster alongside the Ptolemaic solar system model and the right to beat wives with sticks. But for every lurch toward fascism, there must be a reaction. Perhaps not an equal reaction, but at least opposite.

"The unanimous decision of the 6th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals upholds a district court ruling that the government cannot use the federal Stored Communications Act (SCA) to secretly obtain stored e-mail without a warrant or prior notice to the e-mail account holder."

Or, in other words, Bush can't read your emails without a warrant. Americans, the court said, have the same reasonable expectation of privacy for e-mail as they do telephone calls and regular mail. Thanks, 6th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals. (Link to this)

GIULIANI STOOGE IN COKE BUST

June 20, 2007

A multi-millionaire real estate developer and state chairman for former New York Mayor Rudolph Giuliani's presidential campaign is facing 20 years for drug dealing. Thomas Ravenel has been indicted by a federal grand jury on charges of conspiracy to possess with the intent distribute cocaine and faces up to 20 years in prison and a fine of up to $1 million. "In only a few months, Thomas Ravenel has gone from spoiled, rich kid buying his way into office to common street criminal." Said South Carolina Democrat chair Carol Khare Fowler.

But is this uncomfortably close-to-home pile of steaming criminality enough to make Giuliani bow out like a gentleman with some semblance of dignity now whatever moral authority he ever had is fucked by association? Maybe the picture above provides a clue to that answer. (Link to this)

GOD ARRESTED IN INDIANA

June 17, 2007

He moves in mysterious ways... wearing slippers.

When God first manifested Himself on Earth as everyone's favorite Jewish contractor, it was with a great deal of hoopla. This time around, however, He seems to be playing it more cryptically after getting arrested robbing a Payless shoe store in Indiana.

Richard Brewer Jr. entered the store Thursday asking for socks and slippers. The employees gave Brewer the socks he was looking for, but told him they were out of slippers. It was at this point Brewer revealed his true identity and, lo, said unto them "When God speaks to you you're supposed to give him everything."

After realizing Brewer/God was trying to rob the business, Payless staff set off a silent alarm and ran to neighboring Murray's Auto Parts to call police. (Link to this)

WARMONGERING PRICK DENIES WARMONGERING

June 16, 2007

Lieberman Backs Bushco™ in push for Iran War

Former nominal Democrat and current twat Joe Lieberman told CBS's Face the Nation Sunday that the US had to be prepared to use "aggressive military action" against Iran because of its supposed involvement in Iraq. Now he's busily denying charges of warmongering. (Not sure what "non-aggressive military action" would be, but I'm pretty sure advocating "a strike over the border into Iran" would fall under the general heading of warmongery.)

Zbigniew Brzezinski, former president Jimmy Carter's national security adviser, said political leaders such as Lieberman, "echoed by some powerful lobbyists, are actually at the moment pushing the military option." Like many high-profile non-loons in positions of power and influence, Brzezinski is attempting to counsel caution in the face of the Cheney/neocon lunatic push for armageddon. Seems reasonable? Tell that to the US/Israel lobby. The Anti-Defamation League slammed Brzezinski for "giving weight to conspiracy theories about Jews hawkishly controlling government policy on Iran." Because only an antisemite would think militating for WWIII a bad idea?

I think a couple of questions are begged here: (1) Why is Israel the only country in the world we bend over for like this? (2) Why is it that you can insult Muslims (and anyone else) 24-7 in this country without censure, but be critical of Israel and you may as well start packing for Gitmo? (3) How long will the corrosive coalition between Jeezuz-loving American Evangelicals and ruthlessly expansionist Judeo-fascists (if Islamofascist is OK, why not?) be allowed to pervert foreign policy?

But let's leave the last word to Joe Lieberman anyway: "We've learned from history - from Hitler, from bin Laden - that what Hitler said in the '30s that he was going to do, he actually tried to do, that what bin Laden said he was going to do, he actually tried to do." Nothing like communicating your point of view in a concise and effective way... and that was nothing like it. (Link to this) (Related APOCALYPSE SOON EXPERIENCES 'THWART' | APOCALYPSE SOON)

CALL IT TOUGH LOVE...

June 16, 2007

...Porno and Cell Phones = Death in the "Axis of Evil"

On Wednesday, Iran's parliament voted in favor of the death penalty for "persons convicted of working in the production of pornographic movies." With a 148-5 vote in favor and four abstentions, lawmakers approved that "producers of pornographic works" be considered corrupters of the world and should be executed in accordance with Koranic rules. Harsh.

The term, "corrupter of the world" is taken from the Koran and demands the harshest punishment in the book. (Unlike those more light-weight penalties such as leg amputation for jaywalking or a punch in the nuts for showering without pants.)

But before Jeezuzlanders start mouthing off about this latest example of Islamofascist excess, they might want to consider what kind of country we'd be living in if Old Testament rules were interpreted and applied as tightly as the Koran... No booze, stonings for adultery, child sacrifice, amputation of hands that 'offend thee' and 'eyes for eyes' would be so commonplace in America that the Iranian mullahs would start looking like a bunch of hippies. So why is it that the less rigidly you follow your holy book, the nicer you are? And what does that say about God? Ask that one in church next time you're in there...

But it's not just religious nuts who are intent on murderous tough love. Over in North Korea, that other 'Axis of Evil', execution for cell phone users is also prescribed by whatever post-it note passes for a law book in Kim Il Jong's lunatocracy (tip: dump those Cingular Wireless, NK shares now!). Maybe Kim's tough love is a little harsh by Western standards... But ask yourself if it really is next time you encounter another fugitive from natural selection who's too dumb to speak and drive at the same time. Hell, if the CHP started putting out roadside firing squads to cull these fuckwits, there would be barely a whimper of complaint from my direction. (Link to this)

STOP THE PRESSES... BILL O'REILLY IS A FIBBER!

June 15, 2007

F(Oxymoron) News Anchor Wanker Caught With Pants on Fire

Sure, a fish gotta swim, a dog gotta bark and O'Reilly gotta lie... big deal. But it's great to see the loathsome prick get busted - especially a lie that makes him and his pigshit propaganda outlet look even more sadly beleaguered once unravelled.

In his Talking Points Memo tonight 6/14/07 Bill O'Reilly again attacked NBC News, saying that they regularly attack FOX News in order to woo left-wing viewers. They need to, he said, because "they're losing ratings."

But, far from needing to poach viewers away from O'Reilly to boost their Nielsen ratings, the truth is that "NBC's morning news show easily doubles O'Reilly's primetime numbers" and "they have been narrowing the gap with ABC News the past three weeks, with numbers that are easily triple those of O'Reilly." (Link to this)

MIDGETS FOR JESUS

June 15, 2007

What Kind of Loser Defines Themselves by Their Height Anyway? (Fried Wire, 6' tall Internet Polemicist)

The James Croft Evangelistic Association has started a new area of ministry. The organization, headed by self-described 3'10" tall evangelist James Croft of Olustee, Florida, is now producing a video podcast.

JCEA produces "humorous, productions on varied subjects" to reach those who don't normally watch Christian videos. One video, entitled "Paris At Bible School", has Croft wearing a blonde wig and impersonating the synaptically challenged heiress.

Humor? No need to do Paris Hilton skits, you had me at 3'10". (Link to this)

SUDAN MAN MOURNS HORNY WIFE

June 13, 2007

Man Forced to Marry Goat (or Goat Forced to Marry Man?) Single Again

I have a new favorite news site that I'd heartily recommend to any other freaks out there who like their news to have a big streak of mental running through it. Check out this gem from the Sudan Tribune:

"May 4, 2007 (JUBA) — The goat married to a man at Hai Malakal, Juba, last year has now died. It delivered a baby goat four months ago. The goat, "Rose", was used for sexual intercourse and a man was caught red-handed. Elders forced the man to marry the goat. According to eyewitness and goat owner, Mr Alifi, he found the goat defiler, Mr C.T., naked in his goat shed having intercourse with his goat. After consulting local elders in a customary court case, the elders decreed that the goat offender must pay a dowry of 75 dollars. Since last year, the wedded goat has now produced a kid; but not a human one."

I guess genetics is yet to make that big a splash in Sudan... hence the reporter's obligation to point out that the goat's baby was 'not a human one.' Cancel my subscription to USA Today - it's the Sudan Tribune for me from now on! (Link to this)

APOCALYPSE SOON EXPERIENCES 'THWART'

June 13, 2007

Iranian War Effort Hits Speed Bump

After getting scared about Bushco™ working on a Gulf of Tonkin-style pretext to bomb the fuck out of Iran, it's good to have my terror soothed a little by the news that neocon evil is not infallible. Seems Cheney's pre-war lies have been mugged by reality this time around:

"A media campaign portraying Iran as supplying arms to the Taliban guerrillas fighting U.S. and NATO forces in Afghanistan, orchestrated by advocates of a more confrontational stance toward Iran in the George W. Bush administration, appears to have backfired last week when Defense Secretary Robert Gates and the commander of NATO forces in Afghanistan, Gen. Dan McNeil, issued unusually strong denials."

After several reports about Iran getting 'caught red-handed' supplying the Taliban over the past few weeks, the truth is a little less impressive. A total of 4 vehicles have been intercepted and no proof of a connection with the Iranian government has been offered. Both Gates and McNeill denied flatly last week that there is any evidence linking Iranian authorities to those arms.

Still, evaporating evidence and outright lies didn't slow down the Iraq invasion. How those sinister pricks in power must be praying to their satanic faux God for another 9-11 to stimulate our war lust and dumb down our judgment. (Link to this) (Related: APOCALYPSE SOON)

IOWA LAWMAKERS CLOSE WEIRD LOOPHOLE

June 13, 2007

Six years ago in Iowa, Julie Miller helped her boyfriend dismember their roommate's body, throw the parts in the Mississippi River and bury the head in a bucket of concrete. Weirdly enough, she didn't break any state laws in the process. But, after pressure from the victim's family, a new state law will make it a felony to dismember or hide a body to conceal a crime. (Link to this)

HEARD THE ONE ABOUT THE GAY BOMB?

June 10, 2007

Air Force Lab Asked for $7.5 Million Grant to Build Homosexual Chemical Weapon

Berkeley's Sunshine Project has used the Freedom of Information Act to obtain a copy of a proposal from the Air Force's Wright Laboratory in Dayton, Ohio to research and develop a non-lethal bomb to turn enemy combatants gay. The documents show they asked for $7.5 million to develop a weapon "that contained a chemical that would cause enemy soldiers to become gay, and to have their units break down because all their soldiers became irresistibly attractive to one another" said Edward Hammond, a spokesman for the Sunshine Project.

Military officials insisted that they are not currently working on any such idea and that the past plan was abandoned. Gay community leaders in California said they found the notion of a "gay bomb" both offensive and laughable at the same time.

But what a great excuse for Evangelicals and Republicans caught sneaking back into the closet after indulging in career-compromising homosexual activities: "Erm... I must have been downwind from a gay bomb testing range and exposed to fallout." (Link to this)

GIULIANI: IN LOVE WITH HIS OWN LEGEND

June 10, 2007

New Hampshire Backs Giuliani; New Yorkers Not So Much

EnormoFlag 2000™: the perfect backdrop for shysters and charlatans.

Giuliani may have successfully wooed New Hampshire, but New Yorkers would still back current mayor Michael Bloomberg, who hasn't even declared his candidacy, over "America's Mayor" by almost 2 to 1. New York firefighters are also not too enamored and accuse Giuliani of neglecting the search for victims at the WTC site in order to concentrate cleanup efforts on recovering the gold and silver mixed in with the debris. Removal of victims' remains amounted, they say, to a "scoop and dump" operation.

"It's absolutely disgraceful. He's just a sleazebag." Says Diny Lajamian, who as Cantor Fitzgerald's human resources director worked with families of deceased employees and helped rebuild the company's staff after 658 of them died on 9-11. She is, of course, referring to Rudy Giuliani who has spent 6 years turning that tragedy into his own personal spring board to the White House.

Monica Gabrielle, co-chair of the Skyscraper Safety Campaign that aids families of WTC victims says "He just can't stop creating his own myth about himself and about that day. The man is in love with his own legend."

Yup, Giuliani is now worth $70 million and looks headed for the Republican nomination all thanks to his knack for capitalizing on a national tragedy. How does he sleep at night? Upside down like a blood-sucking parasite over a large sack of slightly charred dollar bills I'd guess. (Link to this)

CNN STALINS ERASE RON PAUL

June 7, 2007

Chickenshit Media Re-writes Reality

The great Ron Paul is way more popular than McCain, Romney or Giuliani amongst a far more diverse cross-section of political shades. But he ain't big on bending over for the billion dollar corporations, he's anti-war and still holds true to those Goldwater-era conservative principles long ago dumped by today's big government GOP. For these reasons, the media dutifully paints him as the fringe kook - a kind of conservative Ralph Nader and a boogeyman to the lockstep wingnuts - instead of spreading it around that he's a credible candidate with the kind of mass approval losers McCain, Romney and Giuliani couldn't match in their wildest dreams.

CNN last night provided a dark glimpse into the inner workings of reality manipulation after deleting a comments page on their site that was becoming uncomfortably Ron Paul-heavy. After asking "who won?" the New Hampshire GOP debate, and making the awkward discovery that commenters overwhelmingly favored Paul, CNN moved quickly to take the page off-line. Hmm... how can you portray the McCain/Romney/Giuliani triumvirate of 'tards as reflecting popular opinion when your own Web site is plastered with quotes like "Ron Paul is the only true conservative among them", "Ron Paul blew them out of the water" and "He's the only one who spoke his truth"? Simple. Destroy the evidence. For anyone interested in catching a rare glimpse of reality unsanitized for corporate comfort, whatreallyhappened.com has the deleted comments page on their site.

Wonder how long it'll take CNN to become an even more blatant fake-news propaganda tool than Fox? With Glenn Beck on-board and such rampant contempt for actuality in evidence, it can't be too long. (Link to this)

APOCALYPSE SOON?

June 6, 2007

Neocons Looking to Upgrade from Iraqnam to Iranapocalypse

Bumper sticker available at Cafepress.com. Anti-psychotic drugs available at Canadapharmacy.com.

Paul Craig Roberts at Antiwar.com describes a scenario that should make every sane American crap their khakis and come out yelling "Hell, no!" But, of course, no-one will until its too late and we're all mired up to our necks in another Bushco™ created disaster.

As Iraqnam rumbles bloodily on, Bush is forced to contemplate the only rational option: pull out, admit it's a lost cause and look like a loser to history. But, luckily for Bush, there's also the fucking insane option available which stimulates his ego and child-like love of war far more: Nuke Iran. This option is currently being promoted by dangerously unhinged neocon slime like Norman Podhoretz at the Wall Street Journal and is beloved by Bush, Kristol, Cheney, etc. Here's the breakdown:

• Attack Iran using interference in the Iraq civil war as a justification.
• Provoke Iran into drastically upping their Iraq war involvement, thus causing America to lose its military edge.
• Use the tame media to push the messages that we're now in a proper war from which withdrawal is impossible and that a nuclear strike on Iran is the only way to save American lives and protect Israel.
• Bomb the fuck out Iran.
• The attendant 'Shock and Awe' inspires the Muslim world to abandon its opposition and accept US hegemony in the Mid-East.

This horribly plausible scenario is terrifying. Especially after taking the Google temperature, visiting sites like NukeIran.com (sample FAQ: Q: What about innocent Iranian kids and such? A: Honestly, who fucking cares about Iranian kids?), and browsing the vast range of 'Nuke Iran' paraphernalia for sale on the Web. Really, if this shit doesn't scare you, you're either lobotomized or you need to be.

The sad part is that thanks to the gutless Dems, the plug wasn't pulled on Bush's out-of-control meat grinder after we voted for withdrawal in the mid-terms. This would have been a much-needed first step in powering down the neocon insanity and subduing the psychotics amongst us who think our tax dollars are best spent killing Muslims. Now all bets are off.

It's not even the neocons' genocidal tendencies and the Democrat's dickless enabling that offends me most (really, it's almost boring by now) it's the arrogance and ruthless determination to ignore historical precedents that really stings. Don't any of these fuckwitted chickenhawk theorists remember the last time a US president dropped nuclear weapons to send the 'don't fuck with America' message to a bunch of extremists?

Yup, Hiroshima and Nagasaki were meant in large part to create a safe, America-friendly world by cowing the commies. The Korean war, Vietnam, the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan, countless Third World conflicts and a 50-year cold war should provide proof enough the idea didn't have legs. But Cheney et al see nothing wrong in giving it another shot... after all, who fucking cares about Iranian kids? Or American kids in fatigues for that matter? (Link to this)

"REALLY, YOU GUYS KILL ME..."

June 6, 2007

Death Row Inmate Seeks to go out on a Joke

"I'm about to die. I'm not going to sit here and whine and cry and moan and everything like that when I'm facing the punishment I've been given... I'm not asking for money. I'm not asking for pen pals or anything like that. All I'm asking for is jokes." Says Texas death row inmate Patrick Knight. He's been busy collecting them via email and his "Dead Man Laughing" MySpace page and intends to select the funniest (or longest?) one for inclusion in his last statement before being offed on June 26.

Although some consider this project distasteful, I think the authorities should quit bitching and go one step further: How about pardoning executees if they can raise a laugh from the death chamber audience? It would be the ultimate tough gig... but if they have the talent to solicit a titter from the assembled relatives of people they murdered on execution day, who'd be so heartless as to not grant a reprieve? (As a caveat, observational humor or picking on audience members would probably not yield positive results.) (Link to this)

BRING YOUR OWN PETARDS!

June 6, 2007

Court Cites Executive Hypocrisy in FCC Appeals Case

The United States Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit in New York has ruled against government policy that allows for stations and networks to be fined if they broadcast shows containing obscene language.

Broadcasters had successfully argued that fining networks for allowing the "utterance of certain words implying sexual or excretory acts" was in violation of First Amendment rights. Kevin J. Martin, FCC Chair, then backed up their argument by saying "Hollywood will be able to say anything they want, whenever they want" if the agency was unable to prevent prime time profanity. Well isn't that, err..., like the freaking point in a supposedly free society?

The judges also brought up examples of Bush and Dick "Fuck You, Leahy" Cheney's own inability to rein in the epithets on live TV and implied it was hypocritical of them to seek punishment for other users of the same words. Wonder how those 'petards' they just hoisted themselves on feel for size? (Link to this)

"PEOPLE'S CHAMPION" BITES DUST

June 5, 2007

Deceased Jeezuz-Nazi-Corporate-Welfare-Pimp Lauded by Bush as Champion of the People...

"Just in case any of y'all get the wrong idea about my enthusiasm for cowboys, let me introduce my wife here in the crochet sweater and 10-gallon hat..." Wyoming Senator Craig Thomas introduces National Day of The Cowboy.

The White House is praising the late Senator Craig Thomas, who died last night. Bush lauded the senator's integrity, and his commitment to the values and the people of Wyoming. Just out of curiosity, let's take a look at his voting record and see just what it was that so endeared him to Durr Fuehrer and made him such a people's champion:

• Rated 0% by the Alliance of Retired Americans (ARA), indicating an anti-senior voting record.
• Rated 0% by the AFL-CIO, indicating an anti-union voting record.
• Rated 0% the Committee for a SANE Nuclear Policy (SANE) indicating a pro-military voting record.
• Rated 0% by The American Public Health Association (APHA), indicating an anti-public health voting record.
• Rated 0% by The League of Conservation Voters (LCV), indicating an anti-environment voting record.
• Rated 27% by the National Education Association (NEA), indicating an anti-public education voting record.

Not exactly blown away by his philanthropic credentials so far? So who did give Thomas props for his voting record? I'm sure you'll be surprised:

• Rated 100% by the US Chamber of Commerce.
• Rated 100% by the Christian Coalition.

A "commitment to the values and the people of Wyoming?" Sure, George, as long as they're not planning on retiring, working for a living, getting sick or having an environment to live in conducive to human life. (Link to this)

BMJ BLASTS MUFF MANGLING

June 5, 2007

Opposing the Designer Vagina Craze

The British Medical Journal is seeking to curb the fast-growing trend for "designer vaginas." Known as elective genitoplasty, the surgery usually entails shortening or changing the shape of the outer lips, or labia. Never having met a problem labia before, my curiosity was piqued... even more so after reading this explanation by a London gynecologist:

"Our patients sometimes cited restrictions on lifestyle as reasons for their decision... these restrictions included inability to wear tight clothing, go to the beach, take communal showers or ride a bicycle comfortably." Jeez! I think the BMJ should give a break to those whose monstrous flaps preclude bicycle riding (for fear of them becoming entangled in the chain?) or restrict their wardrobe (vaginal muumuus?).

The OBGN went on "Men, however, do not usually want the size of their genitals reduced for such reasons." There's one to file under 'no shit Sherlock' if ever there was. (Link to this)

FUCK YOU, DENNIS MILLIGAN

June 4, 2007

Who? The Arkansas Rep Who Wants Another 9-11 to Prove Bush is Winning...

A brand new GOP demagogue has batted it out the park on his first swing. Usually, putative scions of the wingnut dumberati need a few seasons to hone their recognition factor and find that special dumb sound bite to launch them up there with the legends. But not this guy.

In his first interview as the chairman of the Arkansas Republican Party, Dennis Milligan told a reporter that America needs to be attacked by terrorists so that people will appreciate the work that President Bush has done to protect the country. It's almost as if he should be checked for stupid steroids or other dementia-enhancing drugs. Can anyone really be this good on their first outing?

"At the end of the day, I believe fully the president is doing the right thing, and I think all we need is some attacks on American soil like we had on [Sept. 11, 2001]," Milligan said to the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette, "and the naysayers will come around very quickly to appreciate not only the commitment for President Bush, but the sacrifice that has been made by men and women to protect this country."

Apart from the treasonous absurdity of wishing harm on America just to bolster your clapped-out boss, does it really make sense - even to a wingnut - that such an atrocity would prove that the war to prevent atrocities is working? Odd how under the Bush misadministration, the terms 'crook,' traitor,' and 'psychotic dickhead' have become synonyms for 'patriot.' (Link to this)

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