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EMPEROR
DICK IN THE LAND OF THE UTAHANS
September
28, 2007
They
perform their traditional welcome dance and worship him
as a God...
If
you read the opening paragraph from The
Salt Lake Tribune today, you might be forgiven for
thinking it was describing the state visit of some all-powerful
potentate to distant Bongo Bongo land:
"Vice
President Dick Cheney has departed Salt Lake City today
after making a quick speech before a super-secret conservative
policy group. Air Force 2, a blue-and-white 757, took
off about 2 p.m. - just about two hours after he landed.
A small group of dignitaries greeted Cheney upon his
arrival, including Gov. Jon Huntsman Jr. and family members.
Cheney made no public appearances."
I'm
sure the waiting throngs of Utahan natives were bitterly
disappointed not to be able to wave to Emperor Dick as
he passed by waving from his carriage... Think of the memories
those little blonde kids missed out on... those faded photographs
of awe-struck Utahans being smiled upon benevolently by
the great white Dick hanging reverently in shrines on their
mud hut walls for years to come... but I digress.
The serious issue is why the hell this "super-secret" bullshit is
being tolerated in even our nominal democracy? How is this self-styled Emperor
permitted to spend so much time on the taxpayers' dime indulging his authoritarian
fantasies while trashing the democracy he was elected to serve? Common sense
tells us that "super-secret" has no place in a free country and that
you can be damn sure anything being discussed under this heading is nothing
We The People would want/support/agree with.
Maybe, as the article states, the trip was "privately funded" (by
some creepy star chamber of über-kook conservatives no doubt), but as
memory serves me, Dick is supposed to be at work being the... err... vice president
of the United States - for which we pay him that modest 6-figure salary plus
expenses - not buzzing around the butt-ends of Jeezuzland playing secret squirrel
with like-minded authoritarian lunatics in the middle of a work week.
I can't decide if it offends me more that Cheney is seeking to subvert our
democracy from the inside out in order to usher in a new dark age of neocon
totalitarianism, or that he's moonlighting. Bastard. (Link
to this)
ANOTHER
GOP NO-SHOW
September
28, 2007
4
out of 10 Republican candidate no-shows at black university
debate
Giuliani,
Thompson, McCain and Romney cited "scheduling conflicts" for
skipping a candidate debate at "historically black" Morgan
State University.
"
I think this is a disgrace that they are not here," said
Sen. Sam Brownback who did attend. "I think it's a
disgrace to our country. I think it's bad for our party,
and I don't think it's good for our future."
Even more weirdly, I find myself in agreement with Newt Gingrich. "I'm
puzzled by their decision... I think it's a mistake," said old boxhead.
You know something is definitely and unequivocally indefensible when you find
yourself in agreement with Gingrich. Interesting to find out just what their
other, so much more important commitments were:
Thursday saw Giuliani schmoozing conservatives at a Santa Monica hotel and accepting
the endorsement of former California Gov. Pete Wilson, Fred Thompson was
otherwise engaged at "a
round table discussion with members of the media" in Tennessee, while
Romney was busy "kissing
babies and shaking hands" at a Sacramento I-Hop.
I'm guessing John McCain was just relaxing at home with a six-pack of Ensure
watching War Stories With Oliver North. (Link
to this)
A
SCHTICK TOO FAR?
September
27, 2007
Graverobbing
Ghouliani and his patent 9-11™ gimmick draws more
ire
Giuliani
has been criticized over a fundraising party at which participants
were being urged to donate $9.11. The firefighters association
said the stated theme of the fundraiser - "$9.11
for Rudy" was in poor taste.
Poor taste? That would be a reach for this tacky fuck. Please God, let him
drop gracelessly out of the race with as much bitterness and embarrassment
as possible... If his ghoulish, exploitative shtick actually works, what message
will that send and what hope will there be for even a modicum of decency to
endure in future campaigns?
Just a quick recap on Ghouliani's recent activities:
Short
of digging up his grandmother and offering her on Craigslist,
is there anything else this reptile will not do to get
elected? No wonder John McCain's virtually shut up. Even
that consummate ham knows when he's been outclassed...
or whatever the exact opposite of 'outclassed' is. (Link
to this)
ENOUGH
WITH THE "IDIOTS" IDIOTS
September
26, 2007
If
there's one thing that makes me want to slap some Bush-voting
fucker stupid, it's that infuriating habit of thinking
they've won an argument by calling anybody they disagree
with either (a) a traitor, (b) a liar or (c) an idiot.
Options (a), and even (b), may be subjective opinions. After all, if their
world view is so obediently and conservatively narrow, you can't blame them
for seeing anyone wavering one micron from the Fox/GOP party line as a traitor.
And, in that Orwellian slip-and-slide that passes for debate these days, it's
quite possible to argue almost any lie into a truth and, by the same token,
any truth into a lie. But there is absolutely no justification for loud-mouthed
cuntservative primates with the intellect of Paris Hilton's snatch to be calling
anyone (apart from themselves) idiots.
For example, they can and do hate Noam Chomsky and regular cite labels (a)
and (b) which could pass for opinion. But is there anything more absurd on
the face of God's green Earth than reading some semi-literate cuntservative
blogger denounce an MIT professor who was writing computer science books back
in 19-fucking-56 as an idiot???
Hey, basement-dwelling übertard, try writing counter-theses to "Studies
on Semantics in Generative Grammar" or "Modular Approaches to the
Study of the Mind" before you tell me Chomsky's dumber than you. Call
him a traitor, a commie, whatever... but idiot??? Christ on a bike... where'd
you get them big brass balls?! You don't catch me dismissing Ayn Rand, Adam
Smith or Barry Goldwater as idiots do you? (Batshit crazy or morally repugnant
maybe...)
On more charitable days, I like to pretend there's an equal-sided debate going
on in this country - a kind of symmetry of opinion. I give patronizing nods
to my cuntservative friends and indulge their sad delusions of cognitive adequacy.
But the truth has to be said out loud from time to time: it is not a question
of differences of opinion or equally valid points of view. Conservatives are
dumb as fucking cinder blocks. The proof? If they weren't, they wouldn't be
'conservatives.' Period. (And, if you're too dumb to figure that one out, you're
almost certainly one of them.)
Just for shits and giggles, here are some other famous "idiots" of
the wrong-wing blogosphere:
Al Gore (Harvard grad, studied law at Vanderbilt,
estimated IQ: 134) "Left-wing
idiot."
Hillary Clinton (Political Science major
Wellesley College, Yale Law School, estimated IQ: 140) "Hillary
Clinton Really Is An Idiot." according to Blogs
For Bush (a.k.a., the world's largest glass house cum indoor
stone throwing range).
Bill Clinton (Bachelor of Science in Foreign
Service, Edmund A. Walsh School of Foreign Service at Georgetown
University, Rhodes Scholarship to University College, Oxford
(studied government), Yale Law School, estimated IQ: 137) "Bill
Clinton Really Is An Idiot." According to... guess
who?
Barack Obama (Occidental College, Columbia
University, majored in political science with a specialization
in international relations, Harvard Law School, J.D. degree
magna cum laude, former lecturer of constitutional law at
the University of Chicago Law School)
"Barack Obama is a stultifying moron and more!" according to some over-opinionated
wingnut tart.
(Link to this)
MUGSHOT
CLASSIC
September
26, 2007
(Hate to be preempted by David Letterman, but this one's too good to pass...)
This
guy was "charged with manufacturing methamphetamine,
possessing methamphetamine production equipment, common
nuisance, possession of methamphetamine." Plausible? See
mugshot above. (Link to
this)
PRO-ZIONIST
BRAINWASH SET TO "HEAVY SOIL"
September
25, 2007
The
party line "Ahmadinejad
= holocaust denier" is being hammered home with
jackhammer unsubtlety by our 24-hour news infotainment
networks during his stay in New York. And it's so obviously
all part of the neocon 'softening up' of public opinion
prior to war with Iran. Or, more accurately, war with Iran
on Israel's behalf. Why else would the term 'holocaust
denier' be so contextually loaded?
Maybe, for the first time in our long history of being Israel's bitch, we're
actually coming out of the closet and admitting that 'holocaust denial' is
reason enough to start a war. After all, they told us Iran is on the brink
of going nuclear... they told us they're arming the terrorists... they told
us Ahmadinejad hates America... and none of this seemed to bother us enough
to start banging war drums. But now everyone from the slathering hordes of
Jeezuzland to tofu-munching liberals are exhibiting useful symptoms of Ahmadinejad
rage thanks to those 'holocaust denial' allegations.
But to be an anti-zionist - even an intellectually obnoxious 'holocaust denier'
- is not the same as being anti-Jewish (whatever those self-righteous champions
of racial sensitivity at Fox might tell you). Though the conflation of Zionism
with Jewishness in the public 'mind' is corrosive to rational discourse and
dumbfuck stupid, it's also extremely useful for stirring up antipathy for Ahmadinejad
and Iran. My G-d, he disagrees with the policies of the secular state of Israel... the
man's a new Hitler hellbent on killing the Jews! Such a small logical leap...
a mere goosestep if you will.
But you don't have to be a gentile to hate this bullshit. Just ask these guys.
I wish someone would...
Jews
NOT Zionists - Torah-true Jews against Zionism - "Any
form of Zionism is heresy from the Torah viewpoint and
the so-called 'State of Israel' is illegitimate".
True
Torah Jews Against Zionism - site created to provide
historical documentation refuting the misconception that
all Jewry supports the existence of the so-called "State
of Israel."
Matzpun
= Hebrew for Conscience - Jews whose families
have been victims of racism and genocide, and who feel
they cannot remain silent... appeal to the world to boycott
Israeli goods and leisure travel.
Neturei
Karta - Orthodox Jews who condemn Zionism
and the brutal treatment of the Palestinians as heresy
and a violation of the Torah.
Jewish
Opposition to Zionism - Jewish support
for pluralistic democracy rather than segregation.
Rabbi
Elmer Berger - Founder of American Jewish
Alternatives to Zionism (AJAZ), believer in core values
of Judaism and democracy which Zionism tramples on.
On
the Palestinian Right of Return - A Jewish Meditation
on History, Rights and Return.
Jews
against the Occupation - Activism, events,
resources, discussion board.
JewishPeaceNews - Public
news list on the Middle East Conflict and US intervention
moderated by pro-Palestine American Jews.
Jewish
Peace Fellowship - Founded by Rabbis in
1941. Supports conscientious objectors.
Yesh
Gvul - The movement for soldiers of the
Israeli Defence Force (IDF) refusing to serve in the
Occupied Territories.
Gush
Shalom - The website of the Israeli peace movement.
PEACE
NOW! - Israeli pacifists for Palestinian
self-determination within 1967 borders.
Not
In My Name: Taking Action for a Just Peace in Israel
and Palestine - NIMN, based on their belief
in Judaism, oppose "Israeli Government brutality
against Palestinians".
Junity
- Jewish Unity for a Just Peace - Jewish
peace groups which agree on ending abuses of Palestinian
human rights and Israel's settlement policy.
B'tselem - The
Israeli Information Center for Human Rights in the Occupied
Territories, reports on Israeli abuses such as torture,
shootings, home demolitions, and settler violence.
Jewish
Voice For Peace (SF Bay Area) - SF Bay
Area grassroots organization dedicated to the rights
of Jews, Palestinians, and all peoples in the Middle
East.
Why
do they hate US? - Time-line of US interventions
in the Middle East from 1948.
Open
Tent Middle East Coalition - Arab and Jewish
groups of mutual goodwill.
The
94 Percent Solution - Explains how the
chicanery of apartheid chokes off Palestinian life.
oznik.com:
news headlines - A small I/P resistance
news-service publishes reports from Palestine under IDF
occupation.
(Link
to this)
DEMOCRATS
WET DREAM (WHICH DOESN'T FEATURE HILLARY WITH A STRAP-ON)
September
24, 2007
Send
in the clowns... Newt Gingrich planning to run in 2008
So
what if he's a quasi-fascist criminal nutjob with textbook
religious mania? Didn't hurt the last guy's chances.
Newt
Gingrich said this week he might
consider jumping into the race for the Republican presidential
nomination if he can get $30 million in pledged donations
by November.
Here's hoping the box-headed moon-howler can suck in a few bucks from the Jeezuzlanders.
There's nothing more likely to fuck up the chances of another Republican administration
than Gingrich running as a vote splitter. Except, of course, the Bizarro-world-on-PCP
scenario where he is the official candidate. (Link
to this)
SHOULD
WE INVADE OURSELVES NOW?
September
24, 2007
While
Bushco and the neocons (sound like a 60s bubblegum band
with a dark twist) continue to flog the glib premise that
a war on Iran is justified because those dirty Persian
bastards are supplying weapons to kill our boys, miserable
truths are being revealed about 'our' own role as a terrorist
backer.
Federal prosecutors are investigating whether employees of the private security
firm Blackwater
USA illegally smuggled into Iraq weapons that may have been sold on the
black market and ended up in the hands of U.S.-designated terrorists, officials
said Friday.
Is "Iran supplying the terrorists" 2007's version of Saddam's weapons
of mass destruction? Perhaps those much-dumber-than-they-think-they-are neocons
have learned from their previous mistake... we're not going to have the embarrassment
of stomping into Iran and finding no WMDs. 'Course not. They sold them all
to al Qaeda didn't they? (Link to this)
AMERICANS
CLAIMING POLITICAL ASYLUM IN FINLAND
September
24, 2007
What
can you say? The dark-half-the-year land of 90% tax rates
and suicidal albinos now more attractive than America under
Bush? It's
a close call... (Link to
this)
SORRY
ATRIOS, WE ARE THAT STUPID
September
20, 2007
In
relation to the Petraeus trick pony show and it's unexpectedly
paltry effect on public opinion, Atrios
says:
"The
bizarre thing is how regularly "the press" (meaning:
the elite beltway chatterers) projects their own bizarre
fetishes onto some mythical heartland voter they've never
even met. This is related to their tendency to pretend
they have no control over what is or isn't seen as news,
as if they're just passive vessels for The News."
I'd
love to agree with the thesis that America's "Mythical
Heartland Voter" is too savvy to fall for ham-fisted
government propaganda. But anyone with a memory and a few
brain cells to spare would fast conclude the idea is stupid.
In reality there is absolutely nothing "bizarre" about
the press projecting their fetishes (or rather GOP talking
points) onto said voters. It has worked like a charm for
at least 8 years.
How many times have Republican bullshitters been elected via weaponized lying
and voter button-pushing? Our current Preznut is living testament to how easy
it is to sway "The Mythical Heartland Voter." They wanted us scared
of terrorists, extravert homos (as opposed to those closeted conservative self-haters),
tax hikes, Muslims and a thousand other false alarms - and the MSM was always
been happy to help out. Sorry Atrios, but the "Mythical Heartland Voter" is
a fucking idiot with the discernment skills of a two-year-old. If you don't
believe me, just wait and see how easily they'll win the 2008 election with
a subtle combination of Iranophobia and "Hillary
is a communist" idiocy.
So what manner of being is this Mythical Heartland Voter anyway? Is it like
one of those hybrid chimeras of Greek mythology? I'm imagining the head of
a slightly retarded squirrel monkey bolted onto the body of a thyroidal manatee
with the irresistible siren call of a mean-drunk Sean Hannity... So far it's
scarier than anything Homer dreamed up. And there's the added horror of it
actually existing in plague numbers.
It's at times such as these I dream we'll one day say "fuck that" to
bipartisanship, abandon our cute pretense of symbiosis and just split the nation
for real. Let's give all those red state retards one half in which to build
their theocratic stone-age society. Maybe they could call it the Christian
States of 'Meriku? Picture the town of Bedrock under a clean-shaved Taliban...
(main industries: forced sterilization of Mexicans, Muslim burning, suburban
megachurches, beet farming and global warfare.)
With all the Jeezuzlanders ethnically cleansed, we smarty-pant liberals could
then go ahead and establish some kind of decent society roughly in line with
the spirit of the constitution. Perhaps our country will be one where Federal
Attorneys aren't baby rapers, Senators don't give self-loathing, angry
blowjobs to random dudes in public restrooms, kids get a functional education
instead of stealth evangelism, and our presidents don't manifest their "Left
Behind" fantasies as genocide. I can but dream. (Link
to this) (Related: PUTTING THE 'K' IN CONSERVATIVE)
GOOFBALL
TASERED FOR TALKING TO JOHN KERRY
September
19, 2007
A
University of Florida student was Tasered
and arrested when he tried to speak at a forum with John
Kerry during a question and answer session, university
officials said.
"He
apparently asked several questions - he went on for quite
a while - then he was asked to stop," university spokesman
Steve Orlando said. "He had used his allotted time.
His microphone was cut off then he became upset." Minutes
after he started speaking, he was Tasered.
Surely just sitting back and letting Kerry answer him would have been punishment
enough? Unless of course it was a 'mercy tasing' intended to spare him that
inhumane experience. (Link to this)
REPUBLICAN
BABY RAPER
September
19, 2007
Assistant
U.S. Attorney arrested... another Republican falling
from the moral high ground...
A
U.S. Justice Department official has been arrested
after traveling to Detroit over the weekend to have sex
with a 5-year-old girl.
John David R. Atchison, 53, an assistant U.S. attorney from the northern district
of Florida and a registered Republican, was arraigned in U.S. District Court
in Detroit Monday afternoon. An undercover officer posed as a mother offering
her child to Atchison for sex, according to police.
Just as an aside, why the fuck is our MSM so cowed and compliant that no-one's
even mentioning which
Bushbot recommended a baby raper for Assistant Federal Attorney or with which
party he's registered? Sure, 'pedophile' was probably not mentioned on
his resume... though given the amoral slime currently in power, it's unlikely
it would have hurt his chances of getting the job. (Link
to this)
FOX:
THE BROADCASTING ARM OF THE BUSH SOVIET
September
17, 2007
Covering
your ears for those Hollywood Liberals so you don't have
to.
Producers
of Sunday's Emmy telecast bleeped
best drama actress winner Sally Field in the midst
of an acceptance speech comment attacking the war in Iraq. "If
mothers ruled the world, there wouldn't be any god ..." she
said before the sound went down and the camera suddenly
panned away from the stage. Chopped off were the words "god-damned
wars in the first place," which were broadcast intact
on the Canadian feed.
Although the FCC is totally cool with the term "god-damn", apparently
Fox is not so cool with Sally Field exercising her first amendment rights on
their network.
So... what's Fox's excuse? Can't blame it on profanity as "god-damn" is
not banned by the FCC. Can't blame it on alienating the viewers and, ergo,
the advertisers when two-thirds of Americans are opposed to the war anyway.
And as there's no way a public broadcaster in a free market democracy would
choose self-censorship for fear of offending a massively unpopular president...
is there??? The reason behind Fox's heavy-handed use of the bleep button will
have to remain a mystery. Long live the Dear Leader! (Link
to this)
PAGING
DOCTORS FREUD AND GOEBBELS...
September
14, 2007
Big
bombs and dumb propaganda in the lead-up to Bushco's
next imperial disaster.
Stop
me if you've heard this one but, according to this guy,
a war with Iran would be "easy."
Just
days after Soviet-era stud Putin unzipped "The Father
of all Bombs", retired Lt. General McInerney, chairman
of the Iran Policy Committee, and former Assistant Vice
Chief of Staff of the Air Force, talks dirty about America's "new
massive ordnance penetrator that's 30,000 pounds, that
really penetrates." Phew...
America's 14-ton (uncut) super bomb is more destructive than the vacuum bomb
just tested by Russia. "Ahmadinejad has nothing in Iran that we can't
penetrate," McIerney added penetratingly.
Aside from the faintly amusing pissing contest, there is a disturbing bout
of amnesia going on with the self-appointed disaster seeders at home. McIerney
has been saber-rattling on F(oxymoron) News as part of the neocon propaganda
drive to drum up support for another failed war. "Forty-eight hours duration,
hitting 2500 aimed points to take out their [Iranian] nuclear facilities, their
air defense facilities, their air force, their navy, their Shahab-3 retaliatory
missiles, and finally their command and control. And then let the Iranian people
take their country back... it would be easy."
Easy??? Are we (even the dribbling spastics of Jeezuzland) seriously expected
to give credence to bastards like McIerney after the way those other assured
cakewalks in Afghanistan and Iraq turned out? Do they really think we have
15-second goldfish memories... or is it them?
So sad that Gitmo is in large part packed with hapless Afghan goatherds and
assorted "POWs" of convenience when straight-up terrorists of McIerney's
ilk are at large. When do we get to take our country back from these evil fucks?
(Link to this)
[N.B.,
not mentioning 9-11 (©Giuliani Enterprises, 2007)
or Petraeus's Iraq report. Some things are just too sickening
to ponder...]
JEEZUZ
WEPT...
September
11, 2007
Just
when you thought he'd hit rock bottom, George breaks
out a jackhammer.
In
a series of "remarkably candid admissions," Bush
confides to author John Draper that he has been "sustained
by the discipline of the faithful experience" during
the most difficult days of his presidency. "I've got
God's shoulder to cry on. And I cry a lot," Bush says
in Dead Certain: The Presidency of George W. Bush. "I
do a lot of crying in this job. I'll bet I've shed more
tears than you can count, as president. I'll shed some
tomorrow."
Interestingly, Bush putting himself over like Mother Theresa on rag week fits
historical precedent: it's always the most ruthless assholes through history
who can't resist going overboard on the sentimentality. It's probably easier
on whatever shriveled remnants of conscience they might still possess to obscure
the truth but, because sensitivity is a foreign language to them, they always
come on with all the subtlety of Mahler's ninth symphony played on the kazoo.
Crying Bush doesn't sit comfortably in the imagination for good reason: it's
undoubtedly 100% certifiable bullshit.
But there's more... Bush also admits he saw "ghosts - coming out of the
wall," at the White House. Oh Jeez... let's not even go there.
But, admissions of weeping and ghostly visions aside, the stand-out quote of
the whole book has to be "I wouldn't be President if I kept drinking.
You can get sloppy, can't make decisions. It clouds your reason." Let
me repeat: "I wouldn't be President if I kept drinking. You can
get sloppy, can't make decisions. It clouds your reason." If
that doesn't raise an ironic tear, you must be sooooo much less sensitive than
our Kleenex clutching Preznut.
[OK, once more: "I wouldn't be President if I kept drinking. You
can get sloppy, can't make decisions. It clouds your reason."]
(Link to this)
PUTTING
THE 'K' IN CONSERVATIVE
September
11, 2007
Science
Bears Out the Less-than-astounding "Conservatives
Are Stupid" Hypothesis
Liberals
and conservatives literally think differently. Previous
psychological studies have found that conservatives tend
to be more structured and persistent in their judgments
whereas liberals are more open to new experiences. The
latest study found those traits are not confined to political
situations but also influence everyday decisions.
The results show "there are two cognitive styles -- a liberal style and
a conservative style," said UCLA neurologist Dr. Marco Iacoboni. "Liberals
had more brain activity and made fewer mistakes than conservatives." Allow
me to paraphrase: wingnuts are fucking idiots while your average liberal is
all thinky. No mierda, Sherlock... it's unlikely we'd be stuck with a retarded
humanzee for a president who couldn't find his own ass in the dark with a flashlight
if conservative voters had "more brain activity and made fewer mistakes."
Similarly, the market success of Hummers, Kelly Clarkson CDs, gray leather
loafers, Bowflexes, Pat Robertson books, Support Our Troops ribbons, USA Today
subscriptions and Bud Light may now be less inexplicable. (Link
to this)
THE
RARELY CITED JEWISH WHITE SUPREMACIST
September
7, 2007
Former
MASH writer and current racist lunatic, Burt Prelutsky.
Oi
vey, Burt, where do you get off writing crap like "Many
blacks, including some high profile ones, have leapt to
Vick's defense. All that proves is that they have no moral
sense." Are you saying the schvartzes have no
moral sense? Or do you mean only to include those supporting
Michael Vick with the former just being inferred via deliberately
open-ended phrasing? Of course you could always claim you
don't mean all black folks... but who
at Townhall.com's going to give a fuck anyway?
And it's also a tad meshugga of a Jew (even though you might be the only one
ever to have lapsed ethnically as well as religiously) to disparage 'multiculturalists'
as 'pinheads' in the same article. What, after all, is so pinheaded about a "doctrine
that several different cultures (rather than one national culture) can coexist
peacefully and equitably in a single country"? Hmm... any notable "monoculturalists" spring
to mind? Perhaps one A. Hitler may be a better role model than those pinheaded
multiculturalists..?
Of course, dear reader, it may sound like a crazed liberal cliché on
my part to make comparisons with Hitler. But truth is sometimes more bizarre
than rhetoricism. How about Burt getting his op-eds syndicated on former KKK
Grand Wizard and current "White Nationalist" David
Duke's Web site? That bizarre enough for you? This shit is making my brain
hurt... and by 'this shit' I do mean Prelutsky not the all-encompassing noun.
(Link to this) (Related: MEDIA
PINHEAD OF THE WEEK: BURT PRELUTSKY)
ATTACK
OF THE FAKE OSAMAS
September
7, 2007
More
sequels than Rocky, more CGI effects than Pixar... the
Osama franchise is back for this year's autumn season.
News
that a new Osama mixtape was due for imminent release sparked
another mind-numbing barrage of news alerts on Fox yesterday
(a.k.a. "terrorist chatter") and a bunch of speculation
about the contents of a tape nobody had seen. Apparently,
Osama was promising us a gift (could it be a pony?) to
mark the decline in the polls of GOP presidential prospects anniversary
of 9-11.
So how fake is this tape? Apart from the fact that the Osama de jour has a
differently shaped face, there's the beard question: "While the real Osama
has a straight beard, this Osama's beard is very curly, thin enough to show
the shape of his face, and more than anything looks like 'crepe' hair used
by theatrical makeup artists." Say those inveterate conspiracy kooks at Whatreallyhappened.com.
The
2007 model Osama also appears to have reversed the aging
process and sports a newly non-grey beard - even though "any
devout Sunni Muslim would be aghast at an image of a purported
spokesperson with a dyed beard." Whatreallyhappened.com
tells us.
With his convenient M.O. of resurfacing every time there's an election or a
dip in public support for the War In Error, it's tempting to wonder whether
Osama died years ago and lives on only as neocon mythology. More so, with those
classic anti-semitic caricature looks, it's sometimes tempting to wonder whether
he's too propaganda-perfect to have ever existed in the first place. GOP in
distress? Paging Emmanuel
Goldstein... (Link to this)
PREZDUNT
NUMBNUTS GAFFES AGAIN
September
7, 2007
"Mr.
Prime Minister, thank you for your introduction," Bush
told Australian Prime Minister John Howard recently. "Thank
you for being such a fine host for the OPEC summit." He
was attending the APEC summit at the time.
Later in his speech, he referred to Howard visiting "Austrian troops" last
year in Iraq. Upon finishing his speech, Bush took the wrong way off-stage
and, looking slightly perplexed, had to be re-directed by Howard to a centre-stage
exit.
Reuters says "aides say his folksy style has helped endear him to Middle
America." But they fail to point out that his "folksy style" makes
him look like a chimp-hybrid with Alzheimer's to us snooty coasters who still
yearn hopelessly for an cretin-free White House. (Link
to this)
BUSH'S
BRAIN FART KRAKATOA
September
6, 2007
Why
was the Iraqi army disbanded in 2003 with such spectacularly
disastrous consequences?
If
Durr Fuehrer had not decided to disband the Iraqi army
after the invasion of 2003, many strategists, military
experts and unqualified big mouths such as myself, say
Operation Iraqi Freedom (Or whatever the hell it's called)
might just have stood a chance. Instead, 400,000 Iraqi
troops were fired without pay creating one giant, pissed-off
power vacuum and a civil war.
Like many, you may often wonder what was the grand plan behind this apparently
boneheaded decision. There must have been some kind of fancy, ruthless neocon/PNAC
logic behind it. Right? Nope.
A new Bush biography shows him saying that he initially wanted to maintain
the Iraqi army and, more surprising, that he cannot recall why his administration
decided to disband it. "Yeah, I can't remember; I'm sure I said, 'This
is the policy, what happened?'" Bush said, adding: "Again, Hadley's
got notes on all this stuff" -- a reference to national security advisor
Stephen J. Hadley.
Soooo... after so many lives wasted, billions of dollars pissed away and human
suffering caused on such a mighty scale tackling a civil war that could have
been avoided, the "architect" of that disaster answers with all the
statesman-like gravitas of an errant 5th grader being asked about his home
work. Err... don't know... ask Stephen Hadley.
Just another subtle reminder that we are being ruled by a witless maniac without
a conscience. Sleep tight. (Link to this)
FROM
IRAQNAM TO IRANMIRE
August
28, 2007
The
Chickenhawks Come Home to Roost: Iran War Propaganda
Blitz in the Pipeline
Barnett
Rubin relays a
message from a well-connected friend in Washington
on the Cheney Administration's plans to roll out a military
confrontation with Iran in September.
"My friend had spoken to someone in one of the leading neo-conservative
institutions. He summarized what he was told this way: They [the source's institution]
have "instructions" (yes, that was the word used) from the Office of
the Vice-President to roll out a campaign for war with Iran in the week after
Labor Day; it will be coordinated with the American Enterprise Institute, the
Wall Street Journal, the Weekly Standard, Commentary, Fox, and the usual suspects.
It will be heavy sustained assault on the airwaves, designed to knock public
sentiment into a position from which a war can be maintained. Evidently they
don't think they'll ever get majority support for this--they want something like
35-40 percent support, which in their book is "plenty."
So no white or sanity after Labor Day... Watch this (or any other space) for
Bushco's last hurrah. (Link to this)
THAT'S
GOTTA STING
August
28, 2007
Today's
classic headline: "Church Deacon Tears Scrotum Of
UT Fan In Bar Fight"
Aggravated
assault charges have been filed against a church deacon
and University of Oklahoma Sooners fan after officials
say he grabbed a University of Texas fan between the legs
during a scuffle in an Oklahoma bar... The police report
described injuries that included a torn scrotal sack with
partially exposed testicles. (Link
to this)
THAT
FABULOUS GAY OLD PARTY!
August
27, 2007
Idaho
Senator Revealed as Off-the-clock Bathroom Bandito
Larry
Craig voted for a constitutional ban on same-sex
marriage in 2006, voted against adding sexual orientation
as a hate crime definition in 2002, voted against expanding
hate crimes to include sexual orientation in 2000, voted
to prohibit same-sex marriage and voted no on prohibiting
job discrimination by sexual orientation in 1996. There
is no prize for guessing the next part...
According to an arrest report obtained by Roll
Call on Monday, Craig was arrested at a Minnesota airport by a plainclothes
police officer investigating lewd conduct complaints in a men's restroom. After
pleading guilty to a charge of disorderly conduct, he got one year's probation
and paid more than $500 in costs and fines.
As if trawling for anonymous sex in an airport restroom was not quite sordid
enough, Craig also deployed the old "don't you know who I am?" technique
in an attempt to get sprung. At one point during the interview, Craig handed
the plainclothes sergeant who arrested him a business card that identified
him as a U.S. Senator and said, "What do you think about that?" the
arrest report states. Classy guy...
Back in October 2006, Craig’s office publicly denied allegations of gayness
on blogactive.com. Craig’s office told the Spokane Spokesman-Review that
the charge was "completely ridiculous," saying that the allegations
had "no basis in fact."
They lecture about America's declining family values (from toilet stalls and
pay-by-the-hour motel rooms all over the country) and how everything's going
to hell in a man purse thanks to the gays... but isn't it painful to think
how much real damage sad little pricks like Craig are doing?
Give me a million mustachioed gays strolling down the aisle in assless chaps
handing out pro-abortion flyers over hypocrites of Craig's ilk any day. (Link
to this)
AND
THE ANN COULTER WINGNUT OF THE WEEK AWARD GOES TO...
August
26, 2007
You
thought Hannity was only one tinfoil hat away from lunacy?
Meet Vin Suprynowicz.
Left:
Vin wears verbal diarrhea-resistant, polypropylene sweater
($9.99 from Sears, Hell).
Just
when you think you've kicked over all the rocks and seen
all the cuntservative bugs scuttle out into the light,
along comes a particularly weird and creepy specimen. His
name's too long and his pronouncements too insane... he
is my Wingnut of the Week.
On his blow-harder-than-Katrina
column at The Review Journal, Vin says "Former Massachusetts
Gov. Mitt Romney is currently leading the field among Republican presidential
contenders here in Nevada. So this is what the party of Robert A. Taft and
Barry Goldwater has come to." It may be possible to agree so
far, but sanity fast disappears over the horizon at the start of paragraph
two. According to Vin, Romney is a "a gun-grabbing socialist" who
took a giant, steaming dump on the constitution by depriving audience members
of their right to carry guns at the 2002 Salt Lake Olympics.
Occurring less than a year after 9-11 (© Rudolph Giuliani 2008), the games
were designated a National Special Security Event by the Office of Homeland
Security. As such, it was not exactly a dumb idea to make sure those attending
- from homegrown loons to those hailing from any of the 77 participating nations
- were not packing.
But, for Vin, common sense makes no sense. "And here I thought
the idea of America was to demonstrate the advantages of freedom through example.
If they didn't want to be surrounded by armed and free people, why didn't the
Europeans stage their little ski meet in Sverdlovsk?" he rants.
Presumably, competitors such as Argentina, Australia, Brazil, China, etc.,
etc. are to be regarded as honorary Europeans for the sake of argument, and
the God-given right for anyone to carry a gun in any crowded place just months
after the most devastating terrorist attack on American soil is a demonstration
of the advantages of freedom through example. God damn you, Romney. (Link
to this)
CRANKING
UP THE CHUTZPAH
August
22, 2007
How
I'd dream of attending this town hall meeting...
When
you're a Republican trying to finagle your way into the
Oval Office, you need a signature issue to hammer relentlessly.
McCain owns Iraq; Giuliani has monopolized 9-11 to such
an extent that many are surprised he hasn't had it trademarked...
and Mitt "The Fonz" Romney is now seeking to
make immigration his shtick after an earlier ill-advised
foray into Guns & Ammo territory backfired.
So what if victimizing the poor and powerless on the fringes of society is
probably the lowest trick in the "Getting Elected For Dummies" handbook?
The Fonz is now banking on the xenophobes propelling him into office on good
old-fashioned white power.
Mitt's
new spot opens with "Immigration laws don't work
if they're ignored." Seems fair. Just ask the Boston
Globe who busted him last year for employing illegal immigrant
landscapers. The employees told the newspaper that The
Fonz "never asked them to show documents on their
immigration status, which is required by federal law."
The ad then goes on to slam "sanctuary cities" like Newark, San Francisco
and New York City. "Sanctuary cities become magnets that encourage illegal
immigration and undermine secure borders. As Governor, Mitt Romney didn't wait
on Washington. He acted to make our immigration laws work." Err... not
exactly.
"As governor, Romney never directly addressed the issue of sanctuary cities." Says
The Globe. The Fonz’s initiative to deal with sanctuary cities in Massachusetts "emerged
three weeks before leaving office and was never implemented."
So why do these fraudulent bozos keep setting themselves up for a beating like
lie piñatas? Is it egomania or plain witlessness that makes them think
they can get away with it when everyone else fails? McCain's lies about Iraq
finished him. Giuliani's 9-11 lies are like a stuck handbrake on his campaign...
and now Romney on immigration. Cue petard. (Link to
this) (Related: ROMNEY:
LDS DRAFT TRUMPS VIETNAM DRAFT | FAKE
GUN NUT)
SURGE
SUCKS ASS... IT'S OFFICIAL
August
21, 2007
A
bipartisan panel of foreign policy experts was surveyed
by Foreign Policy magazine and the Center for American
Progress asking whether or not they thought Bushco's Iraq
surge was working. They included two former secretaries
of state, a former national security adviser, and former
military and intelligence officials.
Fifty-three
percent said the US troop buildup was having a somewhat
or very negative impact on protecting Americans from
terrorism or advancing US national security objectives.
In short, a majority said Bushco's much-vaunted surge is
a pointless, bloody failure.
If you aren't surprised, try this one: "More conservatives (25 percent)
than liberals (21 percent) supported an immediate pull out." So much for
those troop-hating liberal peaceniks that inhabit every wingnut's consciousness
like trolls. (Link to this)
(UN)HAPPY
DAYS FOR GIULIANI
August
21, 2007
Flogging
a dumb Happy Days analogy to death because I feel like
it...
Two
thumbs up to Miles Mogulescu for his meticulously
detailed anti-hagiography of Rudolph "Chachie" Giuliani. Here
are some highlights:
"Giuliani
claims that, unlike Democrats, the first World Trade
Center Bombing in 1993 woke him up to the dangers of
Islamic Terrorism... In fact, Giuliani didn't create
the NYC Office of Emergency Management until 27 months
into his term and he didn't open the OEM's emergency
command center until six years later... Against the advice
of Giuliani's handpicked head of OEM, who recommended
that the OEM Command Center be located in Brooklyn in
a neighborhood less likely to be attacked, Giuliani insisted
it had to be walking distance from City Hall and put
it a #7 World Trade Center.
Giuliani had his private office in the $61 million Command Center equipped
with a humidor of cigars, monogrammed towels in the bathroom, and a private
elevator so he could come and go without being noticed. He visited his office
there often, even on weekends, bringing girlfriend Judi Nathan there long
before he announced their relationship in a press conference before telling
his own wife.
The only reason that Giuliani was captured on video tape marching uptown
covered in dust -- the tape that catapulted Giuliani into a national hero,
a multi-millionaire, and a presidential frontrunner -- is that the Command
Center had to be evacuated and Giuliani had nowhere to go."
In
the most recent Republican Happy Days episodes, John McCain
looks like an older, less-cool Tom Bosley while Giuliani
has dropped from Chachie status, straight past Richie Cunningham
level, to look more like Potsie with a herpes flare-up.
His gay-friendly,
pro-choice attitudes make him unelectable to the conservative
base. And his pathological
lying, mob
links, rampant greed, cynical exploitation of tragedy
and history of sluttishness make him unelectable for everyone
else.
So
where's the Fonz? Cue
Mitt Romney. Damn, he even looks like a mini-series
Reagan/Arthur Fonzerelli with all the cuntservative cool
that entails. Add to that his solid chickenhawk credentials,
his religious lunacy and his business-like determination
to avoid talking about anything that actually matters and...
I think we may have found a contender. (Link
to this)
PROPS
TO JOE BIDEN - HE'S ALMOST LIKABLE
August
18, 2007
Giving
it those Republican nancy boys old school...
I
have a lot of time for Joe Biden. Even though the crazy
galoot should never be allowed to run for president in
a million years, there's something eminently likeable about
his mid-1970s, suburban car dealer persona.
Joe's old-school debating skills in action make a GOP candidate forum look
like a bunch of chimps squabbling over who gets next swing in the tire. As
a smooth arguer, he has no equal and I could imagine him holding forth in some
great smoke-swathed barroom debates... In my mind, he'd be wearing a sheepskin
coat, stroking a fat Cuban (this isn't a Chris Matthews fantasy so I do mean
cigar) with his out-sized gold cufflinks glinting in the dim light as he gesticulates
slowly and firmly to remind us that the whole world is slightly retarded and
only he knows what's what.
And you can't fault Biden for his scruples. He's been married 30 years and
is itching for a fight with one of those many-married Republican greaseballs. "I
can hardly wait for one of these guys on the other side to tell me about family
values." Said
Joe to The Washington Post recently. And he's got a son
due to ship out to Iraq next year - unlike the vast majority of the chickenhawk
flock who think their war's only for other people's kith and kin - and he's
campaigned loudly for better
treatment of returning vets in the face of Bushco's stinginess.
But, still, I'd hate to see him run for president. If he did run, he'd have
to get a bastard crash course and shed all the traits that make him likable.
With androids like McCain and Clinton, the transition is not too traumatic,
but for Joe it would be a tragedy. Please, Joe, don't go changing to try to
please me... I almost like you just the way you are. (Link
to this)
AMERICA'S
LIAR THREATENED BY PANTS WILDFIRE
August
18, 2007
Thrice-wed
Giuliani finding it difficult to run on family values;
Busted again as a 9-11 fake...
Who'd
be dumb enough to spit out an easily bustable lie in public,
thus running the risk of looking like a complete über
dick, when they're supposed to be running for president?
Answer: Rudolph Giuliani.
After crowing that he'd been at Ground Zero "as often, if not more" than
many clean-up workers, some gosh-darned spoilsport at USA Today took a glance
at the Mayoral record covering the period in question. Now America's Liar is
left looking like one of those drunks who try to convince barflies they're
war heroes in spite of never having left their mom's basement longer than it
takes to shuffle to the nearest AMPM in their Operation Desert Storm PJs. The
record shows:
"He
was there for a total of 29 hours in those three months,
often for short periods or to visit locations adjacent
to the rubble. In that same period, many rescue and recovery
workers put in daily 12-hour shifts."
And
where the hell does this opportunist prick get off boasting
about simply doing his job anyway? Big deal. Are we supposed
to be impressed that the mayor of the city subjected to
the worst attack ever on American soil showed up to take
a look at the damage instead of crouching under his desk
in a fetal position? If that really is the
bar then, yup, even I'd grant Rudy the 9-11 hero status
he so desperately seeks.
America's Liar is also in trouble after dangerous cracks have started appearing
in the tired old "Republican Family Man" fuselage he's been flying
for the cuntservative base. "A lingering question has been whether his
recent bitter divorce and the fact that he's on his third marriage will drag
him down among social conservatives." Says
the Washington Post.
And at yesterday's town hall rally, a questioner had the temerity to ask him how
he could expect voters to support him when even his own family don't. "The
best thing I can say is kind of, 'Leave my family alone,'" responded Giuliani, "just
like I'll leave your family alone." Fair call, Rudy (even if that dialog
sounds vaguely sinister coming from an Italian American). After all, who's
ever heard of a Republican pol, such as yourself, criticizing someone else's
family values or wagging fat, sanctimonius fingers at their private lives?
(Link to this)
(Related: SOUL FOR SALE, CREDIBILITY ON CLEARANCE:
THE LIFE AND TIMES OF AMERICA'S MAYOR | LAME
ONE-TRICK PONY STILL DODGING POLITICAL GLUE FACTORY)
NEW
MILESTONE ON NEOCON INTERSTATE TO INSANITY
August
17, 2007
4,000
Coalition Deaths in Iraq
"Despite
a buildup of U.S. troops that began five months ago...
U.S. casualties [have] reached the highest sustained
levels since the United States invaded Iraq nearly four
and a half years ago."
Leila
Fadel, McClatchy-Tribune (August 14)
"On August 13, the number of American deaths in Iraq averaged 100 per month,
totaling 3661 deaths since the war. Nothing has changed on that front."
Ken
Mufuka, AllAfrica.com (August 16)
"Don't be fooled. Nothing much has changed in Iraq -- especially politically."
William
M. Arkin, Washington Post (August 16)
All those armchair warriors suffering through these dark days of wartime sacrifice
(like driving round with magnetic ribbons on their SUVs and enduring the
ennui of hearing about Iraq all the time) would be swift to denounce me
as a "troop hater." But those "troop lovers" seem to
be the only people around who are actively ignoring the reality of the
war, belittling the dangers faced by our troops and downplaying their sacrifices.
"The surge is working!" they chorus retardedly like Bill Kristol's
backing singers as Bushco™ eats our young and burps out more foul-smelling
lies. "Bad news for those who've wanted to see the U.S. defeated in Iraq:
It's not happening." trumpets that bastion of responsible journalism, the
Assyrian International News Agency.
Is the surge working? Does 100 American deaths a month really equal success?
Strangely, the answer seems to be yes for those flag-wrapped uber-troop-supporters.
Only us antiwar, anti-American, terrorist-sympathizing fags who can't decide
whether we'd rather blow Castro or bin Laden spot the irony.
But perhaps the concept of American lives being wasted at the behest of an
incompetent president enabled by a toxic minority of fat-assed loons in Jeezuzland
might one day be viewed as damaging to the good of the country (i.e., anti
American). At least we can hope. (Link to this)
SIEGFRIED & ROY
ANNOUNCE THEY'RE STRAIGHT
August
17, 2007
What
next? Richard Simmons wins UFC? Liberace was a sheet
metal worker from Brooklyn? Stunning revelations from
the world of show business...
Blame the National Enquirer for the big bombshell of the century, the Vegas
big cat act of Siegfried
and Roy have finally announced they are straight. According to The
National Enquirer, the two are writing a tell-all book about their lives
together, and in it they finally admit they have never been lovers... no...
wait... (Link to this)
SOUL
FOR SALE, CREDIBILITY ON CLEARANCE: THE LIFE AND TIMES
OF AMERICA'S MAYOR
August
16, 2007
Is
there nothing Giuliani will not say to get elected? Seems
not...
"I was at ground zero as often, if not more, than most of the workers. I
was there working with them. I was exposed to exactly the same things they were
exposed to. So in that sense, I'm one of them."
Rudy Giuliani.
How, in the name of a just universe, did this obsequious little prick ever
get traction? Giuliani is a
terror charlatan whose lies are manifold and whose moral compass is
more erratic than a gyroscope in a magnet factory. Sure, the deluded sheeple
of Jeezuzland may be suckered by his flag-flavored tough talk, but anyone
with half a brain could sniff out this fake in a barrel of pig shit. Is
it a surprise that even his
own daughter publicly backs Obama?
Now middle-of-the-road Wingnutia's favorite scrotum-headed tranny, perhaps
becoming aware that he's flogged his 9-11 fantasies to death, is branching
out into the kind of pro-Zionist posturing that should guarantee some fat contributions
from AIPAC. During a recent
bout of verbal diarrhea, America's Mayor declared:
"It
is not in the interest of the United States, at a time
when it is being threatened by Islamist terrorists, to
assist the creation of another state that will support
terrorism."
Gee
willikers, Mrs Giuliani, how tough you sound... but maybe
you should temper your drag king act with a little common
sense (if that's not too much an impediment to getting
elected these days). For example, why is it a good idea
for us to sell $20
billion worth of state-of-the-art weaponry to that
corrupt medieval time capsule that was home to 15 of the
19 9-11 hijackers? Saudi Arabia has more ties to terrorism
than Giuliani has pages of speeches about 9-11, so why
are the Palestinians, not the Saudis, a threat?
Back in 2001, Giuliani was still in possession of a spine and some rudimentary
scruples when he refused
a $10 million pay-off check from Saudi Prince Alwaleed. But he remains
silent about the recent Saudi arms deal. According
to the New York Sun:
"So
far, only two presidential candidates have declared their
opposition to the sale: a former senator from North Carolina,
John Edwards, and Rep. Dennis Kucinich of Ohio. Both
are Democrats. The leading Democratic hopeful, Senator
Clinton, and the leading Republican contender, Mayor
Giuliani, have not expressed a view."
Logically,
how screwed does your 'threat meter' have to be when selling
weapons to the Saudis sets of no alarm bells, but a bunch
of broke, stateless Palestinians pushes the gauge into
the red zone? So how many Palestinians were involved in
9-11 anyway..? Being as Rudy is such a freakin' expert
on the subject, he'll know the answer is precisely zero.
(Link to this)
"NIGGER-RIGGING" THE
PRESIDENCY
August
15, 2007
In
every other walk of life, being an incompetent asshole
makes you subject to the laws of natural selection. But
regular laws do not apply in the bizarro world of bad
government where 2+2=5 and preemptive wars make sense.
Bush might seem like the stupidest, unluckiest president
ever... but maybe that's just what he wants you to think.
There's an unfortunately named phenomena (that I apologize in advance for citing)
popular with unscrupulous contractors, mechanics, repairers, etc., called "nigger
rigging." It's the practice of appearing to fix an existing problem
while simultaneously planting new problems through deliberate sabotage
thus guaranteeing job security. Could "nigger rigging" be a method
of government? Hmm...
If
you are a good leader in charge of an effective administration,
logic demands that the simple act of doing your job makes
you obsolete. Once you've fixed the problems you were elected
to solve, the country would have no further need of you.
Alternatively, if you are a crappy leader presiding over
a "nigger rigging" administration busily seeding
new problems wherever you go, you're pretty much guaranteed
reelection. Ring any bells?
But is it far-fetched liberal insanity to suggest that those in power have
been deliberately creating new disasters in order to cling to power? Maybe,
but how else could you rationalize the sheer quantity of Bushco's miserable
failures in his self-justifying war on terror? And how else could you explain
the motivation behind those apparently retarded decisions that have wrenched
failure from the jaws of success time after time?
For example, what might have happened if the army hadn't been ordered to back
off in Tora Bora to let al Qaeda run and fight another day? What if sufficient
troop levels had been maintained in Afghanistan (remember the world was actually
with us on that one) to prevent the Taliban from regrouping? What if Bushco™ had
not invaded Iraq and dissembled the fourth largest army in the world, thus
setting the stage for a bloody civil war and a massive upsurge in terrorism?
On the surface, these look like stupid/unlucky decisions. But every one of
them breathed new momentum into the Bush regime and consolidated his power.
Remember "We can't dump Bush because there's a war on..." "We
must all pull together and support our troops and our commander in chief in
the war on terror..." "We can't trust the Democrats with our economy." (Sure,
it was Bushco's ideologically driven tax cuts and harebrained neocolonialism
that crippled our economy to begin with, but let's not mention that.)
For Bushco, failure has always been success and success has always been failure.
So who thinks the neocon puppeteers behind our idiot president's 8-year career
weren't smart enough to make it all happen on purpose? (Link
to this)
KARL
ROVE'S WINGNUT WEEPFEST
August
14, 2007
Too
lazy to write anything... instead, let me just scoop up this
piece of sludge from Newsbusters.org for your pity:
"For
those that watched Monday's announcement by President
Bush concerning the departure of White House advisor
Karl Rove, as the two were walking away from the microphones,
someone yelled out a rather disgraceful question ...
the question was:
"If he's so smart, how come you lost Congress?"
With that in mind, I change my vote for finest example of Rove Derangement
Syndrome."
Was
tempted to enter GOP smurf Noel
Sheppard into my abandoned Media
Pinheads page... but, really, this loyal little chihuahua
just makes me feel like curling up in front of The Oxygen
Channel for a gentle weep. What happened to all those balls-out
Alpha-male Republicans we became so used to? Are premenstrual
pansies like Sheppard and his junior high girl gang at
Newsbusters now the face of the GOP?
Let's hope so. It might at least make those limp-dicked Dems sound a little
less like Angela Lansbury hosting a sensitivity seminar at their next candidate's
debate. (Link to this)
AXE
RAGE IRONY
August
4, 2007
Unless
you're a sick bastard, there's very little to laugh at
in this story about this guy in Tasmania who "flew
into a rage and murdered his elderly parents with an axe
after his mother laughed about the death of his cat." So
what's funny? How about the fact that the mad axe man is
a trained
expert in family conflict resolution?
As a by-the-by, has anyone else ever noticed how the island of Tasmania is
shaped very similarly to a pubic wig (or 'merkin')
complete with handy attachment tabs? (Link to this)
THAT
OLD 9-11 MONEYSPINNER
August
2, 2007
Some
call it a tragedy, others a career...
Juval
Aviv, a former Mossad spook and professional terrormonger,
is author of several terror-related potboilers and a Fox
News terrorism 'expert.' Today
he's on the Fox Fan Web site being interviewed about
how we're all due for another 9-11. "I predict...
it could happen in the next few months. Ninety days at
the most." Said Aviv when asked when the next terror/horror/apocalypse
thingy is due. "Since mass transportation is the next
attack [as opposed to your car?], when you travel to work
have with you, a bottle of water, a small towel and a flashlight." He
added helpfully.
If you are an idiot looking for some helpful liar to lull you into a comfortable
state of terror, look no further than here. But if this sounds like eerily
familiar alarmist garbage to you, that's because it is. Although Fox's Web
site is posting the interview without a date (thus implying currency) it
is actually two years old.
Now we're on 90 days + 640, are we allowed to call Aviv a blowhard bullshitter
who enjoys making an easy living out of scaring morons? (Link
to this)
WHO
WANTS TO LIVE FOREVER ANYWAY?
August
2, 2007
Another
bullshit artist in defense of American Health Exceptionalism.
But this one really should know better...
In
the latest National
Review Online, there's a particularly outstanding piece
of intellectual dishonesty by one preposterously-named
Theodore Dalrymple:
"According
to Sicko, Michael Moore’s film about health care
in America, the British and French sunbathe in the cloudless
uplands of universal state-funded health care, while
Americans struggle horribly in a muddy swamp to pay exorbitant
costs for themselves. In particular, Moore’s portrayal
of Britain’s National Health Service irritated
me profoundly. Only someone intent on telling a lie could
have presented the situation as he presented it."
Of
course, any one of our non-traveled wingnut apologists
for America's predatory "Health" "Care" "System" could
be excused for slamming Britain's system because they don't
know anything about it. But, as a Brit, what's this prick's
excuse? (And, more to the point, how much are the insurance
company lobbyists paying him?)
As someone familiar with both the British and American healthcare systems,
Dalrymple should know well that the NHS, for all its shortcomings, is light
years ahead of the crappy healthcare shell game foisted on Americans. For American
working/middle classes, it's a truism that, unless you're rich or destitute,
you'd better not get sick. We pay hundreds of dollars a month only to get shafted
with expensive co-pays and prescriptions and are often dumped by insurers for
actually using their insurance (insurance companies want your
money, but they don't want to pay shit).
And there are nearly
50 million Americans with no insurance at all - a number that has risen
by 7 million under the caring stewardship of the Bush misadministration. By
contrast, Britain's universal healthcare system means that no-one is without
coverage and Brits live longer than Americans. According
to the UK government:
"By
2002, women who were aged 65 could expect to live to
the age of 84, while men could expect to live to the
age of 81."
In
contrast, USA
Today trumpets:
"Declines
in death rates from most major causes — including
heart disease and cancer — have pushed Americans'
life expectancy to a record 77.6 years."
Of
course, the boneheaded apologists for the corporate hucksters
will argue around that disparity. Just as they claim some
kind of weird badge of pride in being the
only industrialized nation in the world without universal
healthcare, they'll find some angle on living longer
being unAmerican.
Although
Dalrymple writes "only someone intent on telling a
lie could have presented the situation as he presented
it" as an ad hominem attack on Moore, he couldn't
have used truer words to describe himself. (Link
to this)
FUN
WITH SYNTAX
August
2, 2007
Could
anything sound more ironic than this syntactically-challenged
headline from NWCN.com?
(Link to this)
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