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EMPEROR
DICK IN THE LAND OF THE UTAHANS
September
28, 2007
They
perform their traditional welcome dance and worship him as
a God...
If
you read the opening paragraph from The
Salt Lake Tribune today, you might be
forgiven for thinking it was describing the state visit
of some all-powerful potentate
to distant
Bongo Bongo land:
"Vice
President Dick Cheney has departed Salt Lake City today
after making a quick speech before a super-secret conservative
policy group. Air Force 2, a blue-and-white 757, took
off
about 2 p.m. - just about two hours after he landed.
A small group of dignitaries
greeted Cheney upon his arrival, including Gov. Jon Huntsman
Jr. and family members. Cheney made no public appearances."
I'm
sure the waiting throngs of Utahan natives were bitterly
disappointed not to be able to wave to Emperor Dick as he
passed by waving
from his carriage... Think of the memories those little blonde
kids missed out on... those faded photographs of awe-struck
Utahans
being smiled upon benevolently by the great white Dick hanging
reverently in shrines on their mud hut walls for years to
come... but I digress.
The serious issue is why the hell this "super-secret" bullshit
is being tolerated in even our nominal democracy? How is this
self-styled Emperor permitted to spend so much time on the
taxpayers' dime indulging his authoritarian fantasies while
trashing the democracy he was elected to serve? Common sense
tells us
that "super-secret" has
no place in a free country and that you can be damn sure anything
being discussed under this heading is nothing We The
People
would want/support/agree with.
Maybe, as the article states, the trip was "privately
funded" (by some creepy star chamber of über-kook
conservatives no doubt), but as memory serves me, Dick is supposed
to be at work being the... err... vice president of the United
States - for which we pay him that modest 6-figure salary plus
expenses - not buzzing around the butt-ends of Jeezuzland playing
secret squirrel with like-minded authoritarian lunatics in
the middle of a work week.
I can't decide if it offends me more that Cheney
is seeking to subvert our democracy from the inside out in
order to usher in a new dark age of neocon totalitarianism,
or that he's
moonlighting. Bastard. (Link
to this)
ANOTHER
GOP NO-SHOW
September
28, 2007
4
out of 10 Republican candidate no-shows at black university
debate
Giuliani,
Thompson, McCain and Romney cited "scheduling conflicts" for
skipping a candidate debate at "historically black" Morgan
State University.
"I think this is a disgrace that they
are not here," said Sen. Sam Brownback who did attend. "I
think it's a disgrace to our country. I think it's bad for
our party, and I don't think it's good for our future."
Even more weirdly, I find myself in agreement with Newt Gingrich. "I'm
puzzled by their decision... I think it's a mistake," said
old boxhead. You know something is definitely and unequivocally
indefensible when you find yourself in agreement with Gingrich.
Interesting to find out just what their other, so much more
important commitments were:
Thursday saw Giuliani schmoozing
conservatives at a Santa Monica hotel and accepting
the endorsement of former California Gov. Pete Wilson,
Fred Thompson was otherwise engaged at "a
round table discussion with members of the media" in
Tennessee, while Romney was busy "kissing
babies and shaking hands" at a Sacramento I-Hop.
I'm guessing
John McCain was just relaxing at home with a six-pack of Ensure
watching War Stories With Oliver North. (Link
to this)
A
SCHTICK TOO FAR?
September
27, 2007
Graverobbing
Ghouliani and his patent 9-11™ gimmick
draws more ire
Giuliani
has been criticized over a fundraising party at which participants
were being urged
to donate $9.11. The firefighters association said the stated
theme of the fundraiser - "$9.11
for Rudy" was
in poor taste.
Poor taste? That would be a reach for this tacky
fuck. Please God, let him drop gracelessly out of the race
with as much bitterness and embarrassment as possible... If
his ghoulish,
exploitative shtick actually works, what message will that
send and what hope will there be for even a modicum of decency
to endure
in future campaigns?
Just a quick recap on Ghouliani's recent activities:
Short
of digging up his grandmother and offering her on Craigslist,
is there anything else this reptile
will not do to get elected?
No wonder John McCain's virtually shut up. Even that consummate
ham knows when he's been outclassed... or whatever the exact
opposite of 'outclassed' is. (Link
to this)
ENOUGH
WITH THE "IDIOTS" IDIOTS
September
26, 2007
If
there's one thing that makes me want to slap some Bush-voting
fucker stupid, it's that infuriating habit of thinking they've
won an argument by calling anybody they disagree with either
(a) a traitor, (b) a liar or (c) an idiot.
Options (a), and even (b), may be subjective opinions. After
all, if their world view is so obediently and conservatively
narrow, you can't blame them for seeing anyone wavering one
micron from the Fox/GOP party line as
a traitor. And, in that Orwellian slip-and-slide that passes
for debate these days, it's quite possible to argue almost
any lie into a truth and, by the same token, any truth into
a lie. But there is absolutely no justification for loud-mouthed
cuntservative primates with the intellect of Paris
Hilton's snatch to be calling anyone (apart from themselves)
idiots.
For example, they can and do hate Noam Chomsky and regular
cite labels (a) and (b) which could pass for opinion. But is
there anything more absurd on the face of God's green Earth
than
reading some
semi-literate
cuntservative blogger denounce an MIT professor who was writing
computer science books back in 19-fucking-56 as an idiot???
Hey, basement-dwelling übertard, try writing counter-theses
to "Studies on Semantics in Generative Grammar" or "Modular
Approaches to the Study of the Mind" before you tell
me Chomsky's dumber than you. Call him a traitor, a commie,
whatever... but idiot??? Christ on a bike... where'd
you get them big brass balls?! You don't catch me dismissing
Ayn Rand, Adam Smith or Barry Goldwater as idiots do you? (Batshit
crazy or morally repugnant maybe...)
On more charitable days, I like to pretend there's an equal-sided
debate going on in this country - a kind of symmetry of opinion.
I give patronizing nods to my cuntservative friends and indulge
their sad delusions of cognitive adequacy. But the truth has
to be said out loud from time to time: it is not a question
of
differences
of opinion or equally valid points of view. Conservatives
are dumb as fucking cinder blocks. The proof? If they weren't,
they wouldn't be 'conservatives.' Period. (And, if you're too
dumb
to figure that one out, you're almost certainly one of them.)
Just for shits and giggles, here are some other famous "idiots" of
the wrong-wing blogosphere:
Al Gore (Harvard grad, studied law at Vanderbilt, estimated
IQ: 134) "Left-wing
idiot."
Hillary Clinton (Political Science major Wellesley
College, Yale Law School, estimated IQ: 140) "Hillary
Clinton Really Is An Idiot." according to Blogs For
Bush (a.k.a., the world's largest glass house cum indoor stone
throwing
range).
Bill Clinton (Bachelor of Science in Foreign
Service, Edmund A. Walsh School of Foreign Service at Georgetown
University,
Rhodes Scholarship to University College, Oxford (studied government),
Yale Law School, estimated IQ: 137) "Bill
Clinton Really Is An Idiot." According to... guess
who?
Barack Obama (Occidental College, Columbia University, majored
in political science with a specialization in international
relations, Harvard Law School, J.D. degree magna cum laude,
former lecturer of constitutional law at the University of
Chicago Law School)
"Barack Obama is a stultifying moron and more!" according
to some over-opinionated
wingnut tart.
(Link to this)
MUGSHOT
CLASSIC
September
26, 2007
(Hate to be preempted by David Letterman, but this
one's too good to pass...)
This
guy was "charged with manufacturing methamphetamine,
possessing methamphetamine production equipment, common nuisance,
possession of methamphetamine."
Plausible? See
mugshot above. (Link
to this)
PRO-ZIONIST
BRAINWASH SET TO "HEAVY SOIL"
September
25, 2007
The
party line "Ahmadinejad
= holocaust denier" is
being hammered home with jackhammer unsubtlety by our 24-hour
news infotainment networks during his stay in New York. And
it's so obviously all part of the neocon 'softening up' of
public opinion prior to war with Iran. Or, more accurately,
war with Iran on Israel's behalf. Why else would the term
'holocaust denier' be so contextually loaded?
Maybe, for the first time in our long history of being Israel's
bitch, we're actually coming out of the closet and admitting
that 'holocaust denial' is reason enough to start a war. After
all, they told us Iran is on the brink of going nuclear...
they told us they're arming the terrorists... they told us
Ahmadinejad hates America... and none of this seemed to bother
us enough to start banging war drums. But now everyone from
the slathering hordes of Jeezuzland to tofu-munching liberals
are exhibiting useful symptoms of Ahmadinejad rage thanks to
those 'holocaust denial' allegations.
But to be an anti-zionist - even an intellectually obnoxious
'holocaust denier' - is not the same as being anti-Jewish (whatever
those self-righteous champions of racial sensitivity at Fox
might tell you). Though the conflation
of Zionism with Jewishness in the public 'mind' is corrosive
to rational discourse and dumbfuck stupid, it's also extremely
useful for stirring up antipathy for Ahmadinejad and Iran.
My G-d, he disagrees with the policies of the secular state
of Israel... the
man's a new Hitler hellbent on killing the
Jews! Such a small logical leap... a mere goosestep if you
will.
But you don't have to be a gentile to hate this bullshit. Just
ask these guys. I wish someone would...
Jews
NOT Zionists - Torah-true Jews against Zionism - "Any
form of Zionism is heresy from the Torah viewpoint and
the so-called 'State of Israel' is illegitimate".
True
Torah Jews Against Zionism - site created to provide
historical documentation refuting the misconception that
all Jewry supports the existence of the so-called "State
of Israel."
Matzpun
= Hebrew for Conscience - Jews whose families
have been victims of racism and genocide, and who feel
they cannot remain silent... appeal to the world to boycott
Israeli goods and leisure travel.
Neturei
Karta - Orthodox Jews who condemn Zionism
and the brutal treatment of the Palestinians as heresy
and a violation of the Torah.
Jewish
Opposition to Zionism - Jewish support for
pluralistic democracy rather than segregation.
Rabbi
Elmer Berger - Founder of American Jewish
Alternatives to Zionism (AJAZ), believer in core values
of Judaism and democracy which Zionism tramples on.
On
the Palestinian Right of Return - A Jewish Meditation
on History, Rights and Return.
Jews
against the Occupation - Activism, events,
resources, discussion board.
JewishPeaceNews - Public
news list on the Middle East Conflict and US intervention
moderated by pro-Palestine American Jews.
Jewish
Peace Fellowship - Founded by Rabbis in 1941.
Supports conscientious objectors.
Yesh
Gvul - The movement for soldiers of the Israeli
Defence Force (IDF) refusing to serve in the Occupied Territories.
Gush
Shalom - The website of the Israeli peace movement.
PEACE
NOW! - Israeli pacifists for Palestinian
self-determination within 1967 borders.
Not
In My Name: Taking Action for a Just Peace in Israel and
Palestine - NIMN, based on their belief in
Judaism, oppose "Israeli Government brutality against
Palestinians".
Junity
- Jewish Unity for a Just Peace - Jewish
peace groups which agree on ending abuses of Palestinian
human rights and Israel's settlement policy.
B'tselem - The
Israeli Information Center for Human Rights in the Occupied
Territories, reports on Israeli abuses such as torture, shootings,
home demolitions, and settler violence.
Jewish
Voice For Peace (SF Bay Area) - SF Bay Area
grassroots organization dedicated to the rights of Jews,
Palestinians, and all peoples in the Middle East.
Why
do they hate US? - Time-line of US interventions
in the Middle East from 1948.
Open
Tent Middle East Coalition - Arab and Jewish
groups of mutual goodwill.
The
94 Percent Solution - Explains how the chicanery
of apartheid chokes off Palestinian life.
oznik.com:
news headlines - A small I/P resistance news-service
publishes reports from Palestine under IDF occupation.
(Link
to this)
DEMOCRATS
WET DREAM (WHICH DOESN'T FEATURE HILLARY WITH A STRAP-ON)
September
24, 2007
Send
in the clowns... Newt Gingrich planning to run in 2008
So
what if he's a quasi-fascist criminal nutjob with textbook
religious mania? Didn't hurt the last guy's chances.
Newt
Gingrich said this week he might
consider jumping into the race for the Republican presidential nomination if he can
get $30 million in pledged donations by November.
Here's hoping the box-headed moon-howler can suck in a few
bucks from the Jeezuzlanders. There's nothing more likely
to fuck up the chances of another Republican administration
than Gingrich running as a vote splitter. Except, of course,
the Bizarro-world-on-PCP scenario where he is the official
candidate. (Link to this)
SHOULD
WE INVADE OURSELVES NOW?
September
24, 2007
While
Bushco and the neocons (sound like a 60s bubblegum band with
a dark twist) continue to flog the glib premise that a war
on Iran is justified because those dirty Persian bastards
are supplying weapons to kill our boys, miserable truths
are being revealed about 'our' own role as a terrorist backer.
Federal prosecutors are investigating whether employees of
the private security firm Blackwater
USA illegally smuggled into Iraq weapons that may have been sold on the black market
and ended up in the hands of U.S.-designated terrorists, officials
said Friday.
Is "Iran supplying the terrorists" 2007's version
of Saddam's weapons of mass destruction? Perhaps those much-dumber-than-they-think-they-are
neocons have learned from their previous mistake... we're not
going to have the embarrassment of stomping into Iran and finding
no WMDs. 'Course not. They sold them all to al Qaeda didn't
they? (Link to this)
AMERICANS
CLAIMING POLITICAL ASYLUM IN FINLAND
September
24, 2007
What
can you say? The dark-half-the-year land of 90% tax rates
and suicidal albinos now more attractive than America under
Bush?
It's
a close call... (Link
to this)
SORRY
ATRIOS, WE ARE THAT STUPID
September
20, 2007
In
relation to the Petraeus trick pony show and it's unexpectedly
paltry effect on public opinion, Atrios
says:
"The
bizarre thing is how regularly "the press" (meaning:
the elite beltway chatterers) projects their own bizarre
fetishes onto some mythical heartland voter they've never
even met.
This is related to their tendency to pretend they have no
control over what is or isn't seen as news, as if they're
just passive
vessels for The News."
I'd
love to agree with the thesis that America's "Mythical
Heartland Voter" is too savvy to fall for ham-fisted
government propaganda. But anyone with a memory and a few
brain cells to spare would fast conclude the idea is stupid. In
reality there is absolutely nothing "bizarre" about
the press projecting their fetishes (or rather GOP
talking points) onto said voters. It has worked like a charm
for
at least 8 years.
How many times have Republican bullshitters been elected
via
weaponized
lying and voter button-pushing?
Our current Preznut is living testament to how easy it is
to sway "The Mythical Heartland Voter." They wanted
us scared of terrorists, extravert homos (as opposed to those
closeted conservative self-haters), tax hikes, Muslims and
a thousand other false alarms - and
the MSM was always been happy to help out. Sorry Atrios,
but the "Mythical Heartland Voter" is a fucking
idiot with the discernment skills of a two-year-old. If you
don't believe me, just wait and see how easily they'll win
the
2008 election with a subtle combination of Iranophobia and "Hillary
is a communist" idiocy.
So what manner of being is this Mythical Heartland Voter anyway?
Is it like one of those hybrid chimeras of Greek mythology?
I'm imagining the head of a slightly retarded squirrel
monkey bolted onto the body of a thyroidal manatee with the
irresistible siren call of a mean-drunk Sean Hannity... So
far it's scarier
than anything Homer dreamed up. And there's the added horror
of it actually existing in plague numbers.
It's at times such as these I dream we'll one day say "fuck
that" to bipartisanship, abandon our cute pretense of
symbiosis and just split the nation for real. Let's
give all those red
state
retards one
half
in which to build their theocratic stone-age society. Maybe
they could call it the Christian States of 'Meriku? Picture
the town of Bedrock under a clean-shaved Taliban... (main industries:
forced sterilization of Mexicans, Muslim burning, suburban
megachurches, beet farming and global warfare.)
With all the Jeezuzlanders ethnically cleansed, we smarty-pant
liberals could then go ahead and establish some kind of decent
society roughly in line with the spirit of the constitution.
Perhaps our country will be one where Federal
Attorneys aren't baby rapers,
Senators
don't give self-loathing, angry blowjobs to random dudes in
public restrooms, kids get a functional education instead of
stealth evangelism,
and
our presidents don't manifest their "Left Behind" fantasies
as genocide. I can but dream. (Link
to this) (Related: PUTTING
THE 'K' IN CONSERVATIVE)
GOOFBALL
TASERED FOR TALKING TO JOHN KERRY
September
19, 2007
A
University of Florida student was Tasered
and arrested when he tried to speak at a forum with John
Kerry during
a question and answer session, university officials said.
"He
apparently asked several questions - he went on for quite
a while - then he was asked to stop," university spokesman
Steve Orlando said. "He had used his allotted time. His microphone
was cut off then he became upset." Minutes after he
started speaking, he was Tasered.
Surely just sitting back and letting Kerry answer him would
have been punishment enough? Unless of course it was a
'mercy tasing' intended to spare him that inhumane experience. (Link to this)
REPUBLICAN
BABY RAPER
September
19, 2007
Assistant
U.S. Attorney arrested... another Republican falling from
the moral high ground...
A
U.S. Justice Department official has been arrested
after traveling to Detroit over the weekend to have sex with
a
5-year-old girl.
John David R. Atchison, 53, an assistant U.S. attorney from
the northern district of Florida and a registered Republican,
was arraigned in U.S. District Court in Detroit Monday afternoon. An
undercover officer posed as a mother offering her child to
Atchison for sex, according to police.
Just as an aside, why the fuck is our MSM so cowed and compliant
that no-one's even mentioning which
Bushbot recommended a baby raper for
Assistant
Federal Attorney or with which party he's registered? Sure,
'pedophile' was probably not mentioned on his resume... though
given the amoral slime currently in power, it's unlikely
it would have hurt his chances of getting the job. (Link
to this)
FOX:
THE BROADCASTING ARM OF THE BUSH SOVIET
September
17, 2007
Covering
your ears for those Hollywood Liberals so you don't have
to.
Producers
of Sunday's Emmy telecast bleeped
best drama actress winner Sally Field in the midst of an acceptance speech comment
attacking the war in Iraq. "If mothers ruled the world,
there wouldn't be any god ..." she said before the sound
went down and the camera suddenly panned away from the stage.
Chopped off were the words "god-damned wars in the first
place," which were broadcast intact on the Canadian
feed.
Although the FCC is totally cool with the term "god-damn",
apparently Fox is not so cool with Sally Field
exercising her first amendment rights on their network.
So... what's Fox's excuse? Can't blame it on profanity as "god-damn" is
not banned by the FCC. Can't blame it on alienating the
viewers and, ergo, the advertisers when two-thirds of Americans
are opposed to the war anyway. And as there's no way a public
broadcaster in a free market democracy would
choose self-censorship for fear of offending a massively
unpopular president... is there??? The reason behind Fox's
heavy-handed use of the bleep button will have to remain a
mystery. Long
live the Dear Leader! (Link
to this)
PAGING
DOCTORS FREUD AND GOEBBELS...
September
14, 2007
Big
bombs and dumb propaganda in the lead-up to Bushco's next
imperial disaster.
Stop
me if you've heard this one but, according to this guy, a
war with Iran would be
"easy."
Just
days after Soviet-era stud Putin unzipped "The Father
of all Bombs",
retired Lt. General McInerney, chairman of the Iran Policy
Committee, and former Assistant Vice Chief of Staff of the
Air Force, talks dirty about America's "new
massive ordnance penetrator that's 30,000 pounds, that really
penetrates." Phew...
America's 14-ton (uncut) super bomb is more destructive than
the vacuum bomb just tested by Russia. "Ahmadinejad has
nothing in Iran that we can't penetrate," McIerney added
penetratingly.
Aside from the faintly amusing pissing contest, there is a
disturbing bout of amnesia going on with the self-appointed
disaster seeders at home. McIerney has been saber-rattling
on F(oxymoron) News as part of the neocon propaganda drive
to drum up support for another failed war. "Forty-eight
hours duration, hitting 2500 aimed points to take out their
[Iranian] nuclear facilities, their air defense facilities,
their air force, their navy, their Shahab-3 retaliatory missiles,
and finally their command and control. And then let the Iranian
people take their country back... it would be easy."
Easy??? Are we (even the dribbling spastics
of Jeezuzland) seriously expected to give credence to bastards
like McIerney after
the way those other assured cakewalks in Afghanistan
and Iraq
turned out? Do they really think we have 15-second goldfish
memories... or is it them?
So sad that Gitmo is in large part
packed with hapless Afghan goatherds and assorted "POWs" of
convenience when straight-up terrorists
of McIerney's ilk are at large. When do we get to take
our country back from these evil fucks? (Link
to this)
[N.B.,
not mentioning 9-11 (©Giuliani Enterprises, 2007) or
Petraeus's Iraq report. Some things are just too sickening
to ponder...]
JEEZUZ
WEPT...
September
11, 2007
Just
when you thought he'd hit rock bottom, George breaks out
a jackhammer.
In
a series of "remarkably candid admissions," Bush
confides to author John Draper that he has been "sustained by
the discipline of the faithful experience" during the
most difficult days of his presidency. "I've got God's
shoulder to cry on. And I cry a lot," Bush says in Dead
Certain: The Presidency of George W. Bush. "I do a lot
of crying in this job. I'll bet I've shed more tears than
you can count,
as president. I'll shed some tomorrow."
Interestingly, Bush putting himself over like Mother Theresa
on rag week fits historical precedent: it's always the most
ruthless assholes through history who can't resist going overboard
on the sentimentality. It's probably easier on whatever shriveled
remnants of conscience they might still possess to obscure
the truth but, because sensitivity is a foreign language
to them,
they always come on with all the subtlety of Mahler's
ninth symphony played on the kazoo. Crying Bush doesn't sit
comfortably in the imagination for
good reason:
it's undoubtedly
100% certifiable bullshit.
But there's more... Bush also admits he saw "ghosts -
coming out of the wall," at the White House. Oh Jeez...
let's not even go there.
But, admissions of weeping and ghostly visions aside, the stand-out
quote of the whole book has to be "I wouldn't be President
if I kept drinking. You can get sloppy, can't make decisions.
It clouds your reason." Let me repeat: "I
wouldn't be President if I kept drinking. You can get sloppy,
can't
make decisions. It clouds your reason." If that
doesn't raise an ironic tear, you must be sooooo much less
sensitive than our
Kleenex clutching Preznut.
[OK, once more: "I wouldn't be President if I
kept drinking. You can get sloppy, can't make decisions. It
clouds
your reason."] (Link
to this)
PUTTING
THE 'K' IN CONSERVATIVE
September
11, 2007
Science
Bears Out the Less-than-astounding "Conservatives
Are Stupid" Hypothesis
Liberals
and conservatives literally think differently. Previous psychological
studies have found that conservatives tend to be more structured
and persistent in their judgments whereas liberals are more
open to new experiences. The
latest study found those traits are not confined to political
situations but also influence
everyday decisions.
The results show "there are two cognitive styles --
a liberal style and a conservative style," said UCLA
neurologist Dr. Marco Iacoboni. "Liberals had more brain
activity and
made fewer mistakes than conservatives." Allow me to
paraphrase: wingnuts are fucking idiots while your average
liberal is
all thinky.
No mierda, Sherlock... it's unlikely we'd be stuck
with a retarded humanzee for a president who couldn't find
his own ass in the dark with a flashlight if conservative
voters had "more
brain activity and made fewer mistakes."
Similarly,
the market success of Hummers, Kelly Clarkson CDs, gray
leather loafers, Bowflexes, Pat Robertson books, Support
Our Troops
ribbons, USA Today subscriptions and Bud Light
may now be less inexplicable. (Link
to this)
THE
RARELY CITED JEWISH WHITE SUPREMACIST
September
7, 2007
Former
MASH writer and current racist lunatic, Burt Prelutsky.
Oi
vey, Burt, where do you get off writing crap like "Many
blacks, including some high profile ones, have leapt to Vick's
defense. All that
proves is that they have no moral sense." Are you
saying the schvartzes have no moral sense? Or do you mean
only to include those supporting
Michael Vick with the former just being inferred via deliberately
open-ended phrasing?
Of
course
you could always claim you don't mean all black
folks... but who at Townhall.com's going to give a fuck anyway?
And it's also a tad meshugga of a Jew (even though you might
be the only one ever to have lapsed ethnically as well as
religiously) to disparage 'multiculturalists'
as 'pinheads' in the same article. What, after all, is so
pinheaded
about
a "doctrine
that several different cultures (rather than one national
culture)
can
coexist peacefully and equitably in a single country"?
Hmm... any notable "monoculturalists" spring to
mind? Perhaps one A. Hitler may be a better role model than
those pinheaded multiculturalists..?
Of course, dear reader, it may sound like a crazed liberal
cliché on my part to make comparisons with Hitler.
But truth is sometimes more bizarre than rhetoricism. How
about
Burt
getting
his op-eds syndicated
on former KKK Grand Wizard and current "White Nationalist" David
Duke's Web site? That bizarre enough for you? This shit
is making my brain hurt... and by 'this shit' I do mean Prelutsky
not the all-encompassing noun. (Link
to this) (Related: MEDIA
PINHEAD OF THE WEEK: BURT PRELUTSKY)
ATTACK
OF THE FAKE OSAMAS
September
7, 2007
More
sequels than Rocky, more CGI effects than Pixar... the
Osama franchise is back for this year's autumn season.
News
that a new Osama mixtape was due for imminent release sparked
another mind-numbing barrage of news alerts on Fox yesterday (a.k.a. "terrorist
chatter") and a bunch
of speculation about the contents of a tape nobody
had seen. Apparently, Osama was promising us a gift (could
it be a pony?) to mark the decline in
the polls of GOP presidential prospects anniversary of
9-11.
So how fake is this tape? Apart from the fact that the Osama
de jour has a differently shaped face, there's the beard question: "While
the real Osama has a straight beard, this Osama's beard is
very curly, thin enough to show the shape of his face, and
more than anything looks like 'crepe' hair used by theatrical
makeup artists." Say those inveterate conspiracy
kooks at Whatreallyhappened.com.
The
2007 model Osama also appears to have reversed the aging
process and sports a newly non-grey beard - even though "any
devout Sunni Muslim would be aghast at an image of a purported
spokesperson
with a dyed beard." Whatreallyhappened.com
tells us.
With his convenient M.O. of resurfacing every time there's
an election or a dip in public support for the War In Error,
it's
tempting to wonder whether Osama died years ago and lives
on only as neocon mythology. More so, with those classic anti-semitic caricature looks, it's sometimes tempting
to wonder whether he's too propaganda-perfect to have ever
existed in the first place. GOP in distress? Paging Emmanuel
Goldstein... (Link to this)
PREZDUNT
NUMBNUTS GAFFES AGAIN
September
7, 2007
"Mr.
Prime Minister, thank you for your introduction," Bush
told Australian Prime Minister John Howard recently. "Thank
you for being such a fine host for the OPEC summit." He
was attending the APEC summit at the time.
Later in his speech, he referred to Howard visiting "Austrian
troops" last year in Iraq. Upon finishing his speech,
Bush took the wrong way off-stage and, looking slightly perplexed,
had to be re-directed by Howard to a centre-stage exit.
Reuters says "aides say his folksy style has helped endear
him to Middle America." But they fail to point out that
his "folksy style" makes him look like a chimp-hybrid
with Alzheimer's to us snooty coasters who still yearn hopelessly
for an cretin-free White House. (Link
to this)
BUSH'S
BRAIN FART KRAKATOA
September
6,
2007
Why
was the Iraqi army disbanded in 2003 with such spectacularly
disastrous consequences?
If
Durr Fuehrer had not decided to disband the Iraqi army after
the invasion of 2003, many strategists, military experts
and unqualified big mouths such as myself, say Operation
Iraqi Freedom (Or whatever the hell it's called) might just
have stood a chance. Instead, 400,000 Iraqi troops were fired
without pay creating one giant, pissed-off power vacuum and
a civil war.
Like many, you may often wonder what was the grand plan behind
this apparently boneheaded decision. There must have been some
kind of fancy, ruthless neocon/PNAC logic behind it. Right?
Nope.
A new Bush biography shows him saying that he initially wanted
to maintain the Iraqi army and, more surprising, that he cannot
recall why his administration decided to disband it. "Yeah,
I can't remember; I'm sure I said, 'This is the policy, what
happened?'" Bush said, adding: "Again, Hadley's got
notes on all this stuff" -- a reference to national security
advisor Stephen J. Hadley.
Soooo... after so many lives wasted, billions of dollars pissed
away and human suffering caused on such a mighty scale tackling
a civil war that could have been avoided, the "architect" of
that disaster answers with all the statesman-like gravitas
of an errant 5th grader being asked about his home work.
Err... don't know... ask Stephen Hadley.
Just another subtle reminder that we are being
ruled by a witless maniac without a conscience. Sleep
tight. (Link to this)
FROM
IRAQNAM TO IRANMIRE
August
28, 2007
The
Chickenhawks Come Home to Roost: Iran War Propaganda Blitz
in the Pipeline
Barnett
Rubin relays a
message from a well-connected friend in Washington
on the Cheney Administration's plans to roll out a military
confrontation with Iran in September.
"My friend had spoken to someone in one of the leading neo-conservative
institutions. He summarized what he was told this way: They
[the source's institution] have "instructions" (yes,
that was the word used) from the Office of the Vice-President
to roll out a campaign for war with Iran in the week after
Labor Day; it will be coordinated with the American Enterprise
Institute, the Wall Street Journal, the Weekly Standard, Commentary,
Fox, and the usual suspects. It will be heavy sustained assault
on the airwaves, designed to knock public sentiment into a
position from which a war can be maintained. Evidently they
don't think they'll ever get majority support for this--they
want something like 35-40 percent support, which in their book
is "plenty."
So no white or sanity after Labor Day... Watch this (or any
other space) for Bushco's last hurrah. (Link
to this)
THAT'S
GOTTA STING
August
28, 2007
Today's
classic headline: "Church Deacon Tears Scrotum
Of UT Fan In Bar Fight"
Aggravated
assault charges have been filed against a church deacon and
University of Oklahoma Sooners fan after officials say he
grabbed a University of Texas fan between the legs during
a scuffle in an Oklahoma bar... The police report described
injuries that included a torn scrotal sack with partially
exposed testicles. (Link to this)
THAT
FABULOUS GAY OLD PARTY!
August
27, 2007
Idaho
Senator Revealed as Off-the-clock Bathroom Bandito
Larry
Craig voted for a constitutional ban on same-sex marriage
in 2006, voted against adding sexual orientation as a hate
crime definition in 2002, voted against expanding hate crimes
to include sexual orientation in 2000, voted to prohibit
same-sex marriage and voted no on prohibiting job discrimination
by sexual orientation in 1996. There is no prize for guessing
the next part...
According to an arrest report obtained by Roll
Call on Monday, Craig was arrested at a Minnesota airport
by a plainclothes
police officer investigating lewd conduct complaints in a men's
restroom. After pleading guilty to a charge of disorderly
conduct,
he got one year's probation and paid more than $500
in costs and fines.
As if trawling for anonymous sex in an airport
restroom was not quite sordid enough, Craig also deployed
the old "don't you know who I am?" technique in an attempt
to get sprung. At one point during the interview, Craig handed
the plainclothes sergeant who arrested him a business card
that
identified him
as a U.S. Senator and said, "What do you think about
that?" the arrest report states. Classy guy...
Back in October 2006, Craig’s office publicly denied
allegations of gayness on blogactive.com. Craig’s office
told the Spokane Spokesman-Review that the charge was "completely
ridiculous," saying that the allegations had "no
basis in fact."
They lecture about America's declining family values
(from toilet stalls and pay-by-the-hour motel rooms all over
the
country) and how everything's going to hell in a man purse
thanks to the gays... but isn't it painful to think how much
real damage sad little pricks like Craig are
doing? Give me a million
mustachioed
gays
strolling down the aisle in assless chaps handing out pro-abortion
flyers over hypocrites of Craig's ilk any day. (Link
to this)
AND
THE ANN COULTER WINGNUT OF THE WEEK AWARD GOES TO...
August
26, 2007
You
thought Hannity was only one tinfoil hat away from lunacy?
Meet Vin Suprynowicz.
Left:
Vin wears verbal diarrhea-resistant, polypropylene sweater
($9.99 from Sears,
Hell).
Just
when you think you've kicked over all the rocks and seen
all the cuntservative bugs scuttle out into the light, along
comes a particularly weird and creepy specimen. His name's
too long and his pronouncements too insane... he is my Wingnut
of the Week.
On his blow-harder-than-Katrina
column at The Review Journal,
Vin says "Former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney
is currently leading the field among Republican presidential
contenders
here in Nevada. So this is what the party of Robert A. Taft
and Barry Goldwater has come to." It may be
possible to agree so far, but sanity fast disappears over
the horizon
at the start of
paragraph
two. According to Vin, Romney is a "a gun-grabbing
socialist" who
took a giant, steaming dump on the constitution by depriving
audience members of their right to carry guns at the
2002 Salt
Lake Olympics.
Occurring less than a year after 9-11 (© Rudolph
Giuliani 2008), the games were designated a National Special
Security Event by the Office of Homeland Security. As such,
it was not exactly a dumb idea to make sure those attending
- from homegrown loons to those hailing from any of the 77
participating nations - were not packing.
But,
for Vin, common sense makes no sense. "And here
I thought the idea of America was to demonstrate the advantages
of
freedom
through example. If they didn't want to be surrounded by
armed and free people, why didn't the Europeans stage their
little ski meet in Sverdlovsk?" he rants. Presumably,
competitors such as Argentina, Australia, Brazil, China, etc.,
etc. are to be regarded as honorary Europeans
for the sake of argument, and the God-given right for anyone
to carry a gun in any crowded place just months after the
most devastating terrorist attack on American soil is a demonstration
of the advantages of freedom through example. God damn you,
Romney. (Link
to this)
CRANKING
UP THE CHUTZPAH
August
22, 2007
How
I'd dream of attending this town hall meeting...
When
you're a Republican trying to finagle your way into the Oval
Office, you need a signature issue to hammer relentlessly.
McCain owns Iraq; Giuliani has monopolized 9-11 to such
an extent
that
many are
surprised
he
hasn't had it trademarked... and Mitt "The Fonz" Romney
is now seeking to make immigration his shtick after an earlier
ill-advised foray into Guns & Ammo territory backfired.
So what if
victimizing the poor
and powerless on the fringes of society
is probably the lowest trick in the "Getting Elected
For Dummies" handbook?
The Fonz is now banking on the xenophobes propelling him
into office on good old-fashioned white power.
Mitt's
new spot opens with "Immigration laws don't work
if they're ignored." Seems fair. Just ask the Boston Globe
who busted him last year for employing illegal immigrant landscapers.
The employees
told the newspaper that The Fonz "never asked them to
show documents on their immigration status, which is required
by federal law."
The ad then goes
on to slam "sanctuary
cities" like Newark, San Francisco and New York City. "Sanctuary
cities become magnets that encourage illegal immigration and
undermine secure borders. As Governor, Mitt Romney didn't wait
on Washington. He acted to make our immigration laws work." Err...
not exactly.
"As governor, Romney never directly addressed the issue
of sanctuary cities." Says The Globe. The Fonz’s
initiative to deal with sanctuary cities in Massachusetts "emerged
three weeks before leaving office and was never implemented."
So why do these fraudulent bozos keep setting themselves
up for a beating like lie piñatas? Is it egomania
or plain witlessness that makes them think they can get away
with
it when everyone else fails? McCain's lies about Iraq
finished him. Giuliani's 9-11 lies are like a stuck handbrake
on his
campaign...
and now
Romney on immigration.
Cue petard. (Link to this) (Related:
ROMNEY:
LDS DRAFT TRUMPS VIETNAM DRAFT | FAKE
GUN NUT)
SURGE
SUCKS ASS... IT'S OFFICIAL
August
21, 2007
A
bipartisan panel of foreign policy experts was surveyed
by Foreign Policy magazine and the Center for American Progress
asking
whether
or not they thought
Bushco's Iraq surge was working. They included two former
secretaries of state, a former national security adviser,
and former
military and intelligence officials.
Fifty-three
percent said the US troop buildup was having a somewhat or
very negative impact on protecting Americans from
terrorism or advancing US national security objectives. In
short, a majority said Bushco's much-vaunted surge is a pointless,
bloody failure.
If you aren't surprised, try this one: "More conservatives
(25 percent) than liberals (21 percent) supported an immediate
pull out." So much for those troop-hating liberal peaceniks
that inhabit every wingnut's consciousness like trolls. (Link
to this)
(UN)HAPPY
DAYS FOR GIULIANI
August
21, 2007
Flogging
a dumb Happy Days analogy to death because I feel like it...
Two
thumbs up to Miles Mogulescu for his meticulously
detailed anti-hagiography of Rudolph "Chachie" Giuliani.
Here are some highlights:
"Giuliani claims that, unlike Democrats, the first World Trade Center
Bombing in 1993 woke him up to the dangers of Islamic Terrorism...
In fact, Giuliani didn't create the NYC Office of Emergency
Management until 27 months into his term and he didn't open
the OEM's emergency command center until six years later...
Against the advice of Giuliani's handpicked head of OEM,
who recommended that the OEM Command Center be located in
Brooklyn in a neighborhood less likely to be attacked, Giuliani
insisted it had to be walking distance from City Hall and
put it a #7 World Trade Center.
Giuliani had his private office in the $61 million Command
Center equipped with a humidor of cigars, monogrammed towels
in the bathroom, and a private elevator so he could come and
go without being noticed. He visited his office there often,
even on weekends, bringing girlfriend Judi Nathan there long
before he announced their relationship in a press conference
before telling his own wife.
The only reason that Giuliani was captured on video tape marching
uptown covered in dust -- the tape that catapulted Giuliani
into a national hero, a multi-millionaire, and a presidential
frontrunner -- is that the Command Center had to be evacuated
and Giuliani had nowhere to go."
In
the most recent Republican Happy Days episodes, John McCain
looks like an older, less-cool Tom Bosley while Giuliani
has dropped from
Chachie
status,
straight
past
Richie
Cunningham
level, to look more like Potsie with a herpes flare-up.
His gay-friendly,
pro-choice attitudes make him unelectable
to the conservative base. And his pathological
lying, mob
links, rampant greed, cynical exploitation of tragedy
and history of sluttishness make him unelectable for everyone
else.
So
where's the Fonz? Cue
Mitt Romney. Damn, he
even looks like a mini-series Reagan/Arthur Fonzerelli with
all the cuntservative cool that entails. Add to that his
solid
chickenhawk
credentials,
his religious lunacy and his business-like determination
to avoid talking about anything that actually matters and...
I think we may have found a contender.
(Link
to this)
PROPS
TO JOE BIDEN - HE'S ALMOST LIKABLE
August
18, 2007
Giving
it those Republican nancy boys old school...
I
have a lot of time for Joe Biden. Even though the crazy
galoot should never be allowed to run for president in a
million years, there's something eminently likeable about
his mid-1970s, suburban car dealer persona.
Joe's old-school debating skills in action make a
GOP candidate forum look like a bunch of chimps
squabbling
over who gets next swing in the tire. As a smooth arguer, he
has no equal and I could imagine him holding forth in some
great smoke-swathed barroom
debates...
In my
mind,
he'd
be
wearing
a sheepskin
coat, stroking a fat Cuban (this isn't a Chris
Matthews fantasy so I do mean cigar) with his out-sized gold
cufflinks glinting in the dim light as he gesticulates slowly
and firmly to remind
us that the whole world is slightly retarded and only he knows
what's what.
And you can't fault Biden for his scruples. He's been married
30 years and is itching for a fight with one of those many-married
Republican greaseballs. "I can hardly wait for one of
these guys on the other side to tell me about family values." Said
Joe to The Washington Post recently. And he's got a son
due to ship out to Iraq next year - unlike the vast majority
of the chickenhawk flock who think their war's only for other
people's kith and kin - and he's campaigned loudly for better
treatment of returning vets in the face of Bushco's stinginess.
But, still, I'd hate to see him run for president. If he did
run, he'd have to get a bastard crash course and shed all the
traits that make him likable. With androids like McCain and
Clinton, the transition is not too traumatic, but for Joe it
would be a tragedy. Please, Joe, don't go changing to try to
please me... I almost like you just the way you are. (Link
to this)
AMERICA'S
LIAR THREATENED BY PANTS WILDFIRE
August
18, 2007
Thrice-wed
Giuliani finding it difficult to run on family values;
Busted again
as a 9-11 fake...
Who'd
be dumb enough to spit out an easily bustable lie in public,
thus running the risk of looking like a complete über
dick, when they're supposed to be running for president?
Answer: Rudolph Giuliani.
After crowing that he'd been at Ground Zero "as often,
if not more" than many clean-up workers, some gosh-darned
spoilsport at USA Today took a glance at the Mayoral record
covering the period in question. Now America's Liar is left
looking like one of those drunks who try to convince
barflies
they're war heroes in spite of never having left their mom's
basement longer than it takes to shuffle to the nearest AMPM
in their Operation Desert Storm PJs. The
record shows:
"He
was there for a total of 29 hours in those three months,
often for short periods or to visit locations adjacent to
the rubble. In that same period, many rescue and recovery
workers put in daily 12-hour shifts."
And where
the hell does this opportunist prick get off boasting about
simply doing his job anyway?
Big deal. Are we supposed to be impressed that
the
mayor of the city subjected to the worst attack ever on American
soil showed up to take a look at the damage instead of crouching
under his desk in a fetal position? If
that really is the
bar then, yup, even I'd grant Rudy the 9-11 hero status
he so desperately
seeks.
America's Liar is also in trouble after dangerous cracks have
started appearing in the tired old "Republican Family
Man"
fuselage he's been flying for the cuntservative base. "A
lingering question has been whether his recent bitter divorce
and the
fact that
he's on his third marriage will drag him down among social
conservatives." Says
the Washington Post.
And at yesterday's town hall rally, a questioner had the temerity
to ask him how
he could expect voters to support him when even his own
family don't. "The best thing I can say
is kind of, 'Leave my family alone,'" responded Giuliani, "just
like I'll leave your family alone." Fair call, Rudy (even
if that dialog sounds vaguely sinister coming from an Italian
American). After all, who's ever heard of a Republican pol,
such as yourself, criticizing someone else's family values
or wagging fat, sanctimonius fingers at their
private
lives? (Link
to this)
(Related:
SOUL FOR SALE, CREDIBILITY ON
CLEARANCE: THE LIFE AND TIMES OF AMERICA'S MAYOR | LAME
ONE-TRICK PONY STILL DODGING POLITICAL GLUE FACTORY)
NEW
MILESTONE ON NEOCON INTERSTATE TO INSANITY
August
17, 2007
4,000
Coalition Deaths in Iraq
"Despite a buildup of U.S. troops
that began five months ago... U.S. casualties [have] reached
the highest sustained levels since the United States invaded
Iraq nearly four and a half years ago."
Leila
Fadel, McClatchy-Tribune (August 14)
"On August 13, the number of American deaths in Iraq averaged
100 per month, totaling 3661 deaths since the war. Nothing
has changed on that front."
Ken Mufuka, AllAfrica.com (August 16)
"Don't be fooled. Nothing much has changed in Iraq -- especially
politically."
William M. Arkin, Washington Post (August 16)
All those armchair warriors suffering through these dark days of wartime sacrifice
(like driving round with magnetic ribbons on their SUVs and enduring the
ennui of hearing about Iraq all the time) would be swift
to denounce me as a "troop hater." But those "troop lovers" seem
to be the only people around who are actively ignoring the reality of the
war, belittling the dangers faced by our troops and downplaying their sacrifices.
"The
surge is working!" they chorus retardedly like Bill Kristol's backing
singers as Bushco™ eats our young and burps out more foul-smelling
lies. "Bad
news for those who've wanted to see the U.S. defeated in Iraq: It's not
happening." trumpets
that bastion of responsible journalism, the
Assyrian International News Agency.
Is the surge working? Does 100 American deaths a month really equal success?
Strangely, the answer seems to be yes for those flag-wrapped uber-troop-supporters.
Only us antiwar, anti-American, terrorist-sympathizing fags who can't decide
whether we'd rather blow Castro or bin Laden spot the irony.
But perhaps the
concept of American lives being wasted at the behest of an incompetent
president enabled by a toxic minority of fat-assed loons in Jeezuzland
might one day be viewed as damaging to the good of the country
(i.e., anti American). At least we can hope. (Link
to this)
SIEGFRIED & ROY
ANNOUNCE THEY'RE STRAIGHT
August
17, 2007
What
next? Richard Simmons wins UFC? Liberace was a sheet metal
worker from Brooklyn? Stunning revelations from the world
of show business...
Blame the National Enquirer for the big bombshell of the century, the Vegas
big cat act of Siegfried
and Roy have finally announced they are straight.
According to The National Enquirer, the two are writing a tell-all book
about their lives together, and in it they finally admit they have never
been lovers... no... wait... (Link to this)
SOUL
FOR SALE, CREDIBILITY ON CLEARANCE: THE LIFE AND TIMES
OF AMERICA'S MAYOR
August
16, 2007
Is
there nothing Giuliani will not say to get elected? Seems
not...
"I was at ground zero as often, if not more, than most
of the workers. I was there working with them. I was
exposed to exactly
the same things they were exposed to. So in that sense, I'm
one of them."
Rudy Giuliani.
How, in the name of a just universe, did this obsequious little prick ever
get traction? Giuliani is a
terror charlatan whose lies are manifold and whose moral compass is
more erratic than a gyroscope in a magnet factory. Sure, the deluded sheeple
of Jeezuzland may be suckered by his flag-flavored tough talk, but anyone
with half a brain
could sniff
out
this fake
in a
barrel of
pig shit. Is it a surprise that even his
own daughter publicly backs Obama?
Now middle-of-the-road Wingnutia's favorite scrotum-headed tranny, perhaps
becoming aware that he's flogged his 9-11 fantasies to death,
is branching
out
into the kind of pro-Zionist
posturing
that should guarantee some fat contributions from AIPAC. During
a recent
bout of verbal diarrhea, America's Mayor declared:
"It is not in the interest of the United States, at a time when it
is being threatened by Islamist terrorists, to assist the creation of another
state that will support terrorism."
Gee
willikers, Mrs Giuliani, how tough you sound... but maybe
you should temper your drag king act with a little common
sense (if that's not too much an impediment to getting elected
these
days). For example, why is it a good idea for us to sell
$20
billion worth of state-of-the-art weaponry to that corrupt
medieval time capsule
that
was
home
to 15
of the 19 9-11 hijackers? Saudi Arabia has more ties to terrorism
than Giuliani has pages of speeches about 9-11,
so why are the Palestinians, not the Saudis, a threat?
Back
in 2001, Giuliani was still in possession of a spine and some
rudimentary scruples when he refused
a $10 million pay-off check from Saudi Prince Alwaleed.
But he remains silent about the recent Saudi arms
deal. According
to the New York Sun:
"So far, only two
presidential candidates have declared their opposition to the
sale: a former senator from North Carolina, John Edwards, and
Rep. Dennis Kucinich of Ohio. Both are Democrats. The leading
Democratic hopeful, Senator Clinton, and the leading Republican
contender, Mayor Giuliani, have not expressed a view."
Logically,
how screwed does your 'threat meter' have to be when selling
weapons to the Saudis sets of no alarm bells, but a bunch
of broke, stateless Palestinians pushes the gauge into the
red zone? So how many Palestinians were involved in | 
